August 24, 2024: Durov lands in Paris, gets nabbed at the airport like he forgot to tip the plane. French cops slapped him with 12 charges, accusing him of being the *mastermind* behind every shady thing on Telegram. Fraud! Drugs! Cyberbullying! Organized crime! Next they’ll say he invented the internet. 😒
And this profound insight just *happens* to coincide with the company’s magic internet money pile reaching a value so high it could buy every single scooter on the planet. Coincidence? Or just really good timing? 🤔
Solana [SOL], that precarious tower of speculative hope, reached a height of $211-its loftiest in seven months-only to stumble back to $209 like a drunkard leaving a banquet. The monthly charts rejoice with a 16.9% ascent, while the weekly charts humbly accept 8.18%. Such is the dance of digits in this circus.
Now, if Bitcoin decides to retrace further, we might find ourselves testing the 100-day EMA in the $111,000-$112,000 range. If it gets rejected at this level, it could very well indicate a breakdown in short-term support. In the world of technical analysis, failing to hold above the 50 EMA is like a bad review at a dinner party-quite the bearish trigger, I must say! It suggests that our buyers are losing their charm in the face of mounting sell pressure. 🍷
He’s telling his 83,900 YouTube subscribers (which, honestly, is like a small city) that Ethereum needs to hit a new high, and then these little altcoins will finally have their moment. It’s like waiting for Beyoncé to finish her opening number before the backup dancers get to shine. A lot of pressure, honestly.
To spend a year in the cryptoverse is to age a decade, my dear; it is a taxing affair that leaves lesser concepts quite wrinkled and out of fashion. For a memecoin, the passage of twelve months is a veritable eternity, a gaudy parade of tokens ascending on the gilded wings of hype only to plummet, like Icarus, into the sea of obscurity. We have witnessed celebrity-endorsed ventures sparkle for a week-the lifespan of a mayfly with far less grace-before vanishing from the charts as utterly as a wit at a dull party. A plague of copycat projects promised the moon and delivered, instead, a meticulously emptied liquidity pool. It was all terribly derivative. 🎭
Avalanche [AVAX] has been stuck in a sort of triangular time-out for months, squeezed tighter than a beetle in a biscuit tin. Honestly, it’s been rather dull. 😴
The debate in Brazil isn’t about whether fruit flies can vote as much as it is about if Bitcoin can serve as a reserve asset. Introduced during a somewhat amusingly earnest public congressional hearing, the proposal was for Bill 4501/2024, which, with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, proposed allowing Brazil’s central bank to buy up to a chess-piece-worth of Bitcoin (5%, but don’t worry about the measurements, in the world of central banking, they’re all relative).
Since the start of August, Ether (ETH) has strutted up 25% like a peacock at a pigeon convention. But before you start planning your Lamborghini purchase, consider this: historical data is whispering (or maybe shouting) that September could bring a downturn. Of course, whispers from history are about as reliable as a cat promising not to knock anything off the table. Only time-and possibly spot Ether ETFs-will tell if this year flips the script. 📉🚗
VanEck, a $133B asset manager, has become the first issuer to apply for a JitoSOL ETF with the SEC (Securities and Exchange Commission). Bless their hearts, they’re trying to make staking as easy as pie, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. 🧩
