Earlier this year, China shook things up with their oh-so-cheap DeepSeek AI, grabbing global attention like it’s handing out free samples at a deli. Now, the geniuses at Team DeepSeek have paired up with Tsinghua University to transform their creation into an all-knowing cranky contraption that fixes itself. Really, who needs humans anymore?
On Monday, the firm reported that bitcoin, the digital gold that’s supposed to be immune to such nonsense, initially shrugged off last week’s equity market chaos. But then, during early Asian trading hours, it decided to join the party by nosediving 7% to $74,500. Over $800 million in bitcoin and ethereum derivatives positions were liquidated faster than you can say “economic apocalypse.” QCP Capital noted that bitcoin’s implied volatility shot up to a heart-stopping 85%, while ethereum’s hit a jaw-dropping 130%. Clearly, everyone was hedging like their lives depended on it. 🎢
Via post on Truth he said:
The network’s computational prowess has reached an astonishing 1 Zetahash per second (ZH/s) — a feat worthy of a grand celebration, complete with tea and crumpets, as it marks a rather remarkable chapter in Bitcoin’s storied existence.
Like a startled jackrabbit in a thunderstorm, SOL done jumped off that $100 cliff it’d been perched on since last February. Them city slickers in their fancy suits are blaming it on some fella named Trump and his tariff hullabaloo. Lord almighty, ain’t that just the way? 🤠
Alright, listen up. XRP somehow shot up to $2 on Binance after Walter Bloomberg—yeah, that guy on his trendy X account—got everyone buzzing about the White House considering a 90-day tariff pause. Sounds like a dream, right? Well, guess reality had other plans.
He examines the pages of bygone cycles and sees that after a dip toward our harsh 2024 peaks, around the imposing $72,000 threshold, Bitcoin could suddenly leap upward. It’s as if we’re waiting for a winter that refuses to end—only to be startled by a springtime avalanche shaking the trees.
When the market gets shaky, these short-term holders (STHs) are the first to jump ship. It’s like they’re playing musical chairs, and the music just stopped. 🎶
In my humble estate at the trading desk, I observed with great melancholy how this noble creature descended from its lofty perch of $1,800, falling with the grace of a wounded bird through the cruel air of market sentiment. Indeed, one might say it tumbled like a serf after too much vodka at the village festival. 🍾
In what I can only describe as a triumph of optimism over experience, 93.1% of voting creditors, clutching 94.6% of the value, have given the plan a resounding “yes.” From March 19 until March 28, these brave souls cast their votes on the Kroll Issuer Services platform. One shudders to think of the suspense! 😱