From June 2020 to February 2022, Henry, a mere cog in the great machine of banking, wielded the keys to the kingdom of customer secrets. In late 2021, she unlocked the vaults of others’ checking accounts, siphoning $41,500 with the precision of a surgeon and the conscience of a hyena. 🐺
So, Bitcoin’s soaring like a rocket 🚀, and U.S. lawmakers are knee-deep in crypto policy (probably Googling “What is blockchain?” as we speak), but most Americans are still staring at the digital asset market like it’s a Rubik’s Cube. According to a recent survey by the National Cryptocurrency Association (NCA), the main reason people aren’t investing in crypto is that they don’t understand it. Shocking, I know. 🧠💥
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The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, that paragon of predictability, recently bestowed its blessing on Bitwise’s plan to transform its crypto index fund (BITW) into an ETF. But lo, mere hours later, they pulled the rug out from under it, adding to their repertoire of mixed signals that would make even the most erratic lover blush.
The approval, bestowed on July 22 via an official agency order (publicly documented, of course), restructured BITW—a fund dishing out exposure to ten digital currencies (Bitcoin, Ethereum, XRP, Solana, Polkadot, etc.)—into a spot ETF. Bitwise, now the proud owner of the title “first diversified spot crypto ETF in the U.S.,” aimed to unlock investor access and reset the bar for regulatory sanity. But sanity, as we know, is a fickle companion in the SEC’s hall of mirrors.
Enter USDW, WisdomTree’s dollar-backed darling, masterminded by Will Peck, the chap in charge of digital doohickeys. It’s meant to charm both the retail rabble and the institutional bigwigs, offering a seamless slide into payments and tokenized tomfoolery, particularly their US money market fund that’s as exciting as watching paint dry—Government Money Market Digital (WTGXX). 😴
Our dear Governor Andrew Bailey, during a recent interrogation—I mean, hearing—has hinted rather slyly that if our splendid commercial solutions manage to keep their heads above water, there may be little to no need to introduce a shiny new government-backed digital currency. Isn’t that just charming? And this shift comes at a time when global enthusiasm for CBDCs is waning faster than a soufflé in a thunderstorm, thanks to public unrest, political shenanigans, and privacy fears that could make even the most seasoned spy blush. 🤭
the drama is far from over. 🍿
With TON Wallet, sending crypto to a pal is a breeze, just as easy as sending a text about Aunt Mabel’s terrible casserole. You can whisper sweet crypto nothings privately through direct messages like two conspirators in a dark alley. Why, they’re even making it possible to swap your good ol’ greenbacks for shiny crypto with nary a fee in sight, thanks to our friends at MoonPay! Talk about simplifying the world of digital assets for us common folk. 😏
What does this mean? Well, thanks to France’s Autorité des Marchés Financiers (AMF), CoinShares now has the golden ticket to all 27 member states of the European Economic Area (EEA). That’s right—no more begging for permission slips from each country like some kind of regulatory hall monitor. 😅
