Prediction markets have finally gone mainstream, folks. On a Monday that felt like a Thursday (because time is an illusion, obviously), Stocktwits-the social media platform with more retail traders than there are complaints about the restaurant at the end of the universe-teamed up with Polymarket, the prediction market so big, it makes the Magrathea look like a small moon. 🌕💹
“We shall dabble in the arcane arts of token creation,” Pollak proclaimed at the BaseCamp gathering, his voice dripping with the gravitas of a man who knows the fickle whims of the crypto gods. 🎭
According to the ever-so-grand PVARA (Pakistan Virtual Asset Regulatory Authority, darling), this call to arms comes via an Expression of Interest process, hot on the heels of the newly minted Virtual Assets Ordinance. 📜 How very official! One can almost hear the quills scratching in anticipation.
Ki Young Ju, the CEO of CryptoQuant, took to Twitter to share this rather spectacular tidbit of information. Between 2009 and 2024, Bitcoin managed to pull in a humble $435 billion. But, in the short span of a mere 1.5 years, from 2024 to 2025, the number skyrocketed to $625 billion. It’s almost as if Bitcoin’s a teenager that spent 15 years awkwardly growing up and suddenly discovered its entrepreneurial spirit.
So, here’s the thing: crypto ETFs had a *stellar* week. Like, it was *unreal*. Bitcoin and Ether ETFs both made big moves, closing deep in the green. Apparently, fresh capital flooded in like a tidal wave, with Bitcoin ETFs raking in $2.34 billion, and Ether ETFs trying to catch up with $638 million. What a time to be alive! 😏
The feature, in its boundless generosity, allows users to drop this link into any conversation-be it text, DM, or the whispered secrets of the digital age. How quaint! As if the very act of sharing a link could not be more revolutionary than the printing press itself. 📩
Weekend crypto markets were chill, which sounds about as exciting as watching paint dry, but apparently, it’s good for business. Bitcoin’s smashing past $116,000 (because of course it is), and BNB is riding that wave, smashing new highs like a kid with a sledgehammer at a piñata party. Add in some big banks acting like they suddenly care about crypto, and voilà-momentum! Everyone’s pretending they *planned* for this.
Word on the street is Kaito InfoFi’s gKAITO upgrade is coming soon. 🛠️ They say it’ll improve user engagement, but let’s see if it’s more than just lipstick on a pig. Meanwhile, Hyperliquid’s planning to let stablecoins play nice with 200k HYPE staking. 💰 More liquidity? Sure, but will it attract more than just flies to the honey?
On the Monday following these events, the virtuous company dispatched an on-chain entreaty directly unto the rogue. They most earnestly entreated the scoundrel to restore the purloined treasures, warning that the proffered bounty would remain available for no more than thirty days, diminishing in worth as the seven-day mark passed-perhaps to encourage rapid repentance, or simply to preserve their own patience from being thoroughly tested.
