Currency Forecast

Picture this: 2024 dawns upon the stage, and out steps a DeFi protocol born from the lofty mind of none other than… Donald Trump himself! Managed with paternal finesse by his sons, Eric and Donald Jr., it’s a spectacle designed to make the financial world blink twice. The imitation gold coin, WLFI, was launched with the fanfare of a presidential inauguration-raising a modest $2.7 million in October, enough to buy a small island or at least a fancy yacht or two. And in the year of confusion 2025, a dollar-pegged stablecoin called USD1 made its debut, because nothing screams “serious money” quite like a coin tied to the greenback’s ego. 💵🤹‍♂️

According to the wise folk at CoinGlass – a name that sounds more like a crystal ball than a data provider – traders betting against XRP got their tails kicked hard. In one hour, they lost $281,180, a staggering surge of liquidations, up by a whopping 54,781%, or as I like to call it, “a hell of a shindig.” The cause? XRP, previously lounging at $3.21, decided to strut up to $3.36, forcing the shorts to skedaddle, often leaving wallets lighter than a feather in a hurricane.

According to a report from Reuters, China’s central bank quite unabashedly spent a hearty $1.06 billion on shiny yellow stuff in July. That marks nine consecutive months of it behaving like a gold-obsessed squirrel hoarding acorns. Perhaps they’re preparing for something; maybe a gold-themed Monopoly game? 🥇

Yesterday, the wizards at Coinbase announced this grand feat, promising to make on-chain trading as simple and secure as waving a wand. 🪄 This means that traders can now waltz into the world of Base network assets on decentralized exchanges, blending Coinbase’s trusted interface with the whimsical world of DeFi. The magic is already spreading across the land, reaching US customers everywhere-except the dark and dreary state of New York, where regulatory goblins still hold sway. But fear not, the spell is set to expand to more markets and networks in the coming months, casting its light far and wide.

And here’s the kicker: Hoskinson’s all hyped up about the “ton of new people” flocking to Cardano because of this airdrop. You know, like when you toss a bunch of candy into a crowd, and suddenly everyone’s your best friend. But instead of candy, it’s tokens. I’m sure the crypto community is *thrilled*.

Short sellers, those poor deluded souls, have been trampled underfoot like so many daisies in a stampede, with $105 million in liquidations on Friday alone. Eric Trump, ever the wit, quipped that bearish traders shall be “run over” if they persist in their folly. One can almost hear the schadenfreude in his voice. Meanwhile, Ether has continued its rampage, liquidating over $200 million in the past 24 hours. What a bloodbath! 🩸📉

Coinbase’s timing borders on Kafkaesque. Revenues sag, spot trading falters, and so, in true bureaucratic fashion, a grandiose vision is presented: become the “everything exchange.” Which, if you recall, was the dream once held by every Ministry: prediction markets, tokenized equities, tokens as plentiful as ration coupons-until the inevitable crackdown.

Yet even as their stock teetered above $400 in July-now a distant memory, as it muddles in the $304 marsh-the wolves circle. Kraken and Robinhood, prodigal sons with wider menus and thinner fees, gnaw at Coinbase’s edges. Competition, like black bread, is never enough.

The Central Bank of Brazil has decided it’d rather ship something on time than end up in CIO magazine’s “Biggest Tech Face-Plants of the Decade.” Enter drex-the CBDC formerly known as “totally decentralized, pinky swear.” Forget tokenization; we’re going straight-up Server & Chill for Phase 1 launching next year (a.k.a. the distant land of 2026). 🕰️

XRP futures trading has gone absolutely bananas, vaulting past $12 billion in volume over 24 hours. Yes, you read that right-bananas. 🍌 This figure has left Solana’s $9.6 billion volume looking like chump change. Open interest, too, decided to join the party, climbing by 15% to reach $5.9 billion. It seems traders are treating this like a Black Friday sale for cryptocurrencies.

Last Friday, the security firm CertiK revealed that the CrediX team had disappeared without a trace following a recent exploit. The platform’s website went dark after the August 4 incident, and their official X account was promptly deleted, as if it were never there. 🕵️‍♂️❌