Oh Great, Now Bitcoin Miners Get VIP Grid Access? 😏

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So the U.S. Secretary of Energy-yes, a real person with real job responsibilities-decides to write a strongly worded letter. Not about, I don’t know, climate change or affordable power for actual humans-no, no. He wants FERC to fast-track grid access for AI data centers and Bitcoin miners. 💡💻⛏️ Because apparently, our nation’s top priority is making sure Bitcoin bros don’t have to wait in line like the rest of us.

In his thrilling Thursday missive, Energy Secretary Chris Wright basically said, “Hey FERC, stop dragging your feet. Let these electricity-guzzling monsters plug directly into the high-voltage transmission system. You know, the one that powers steel mills and factories, not your cousin’s garage Bitcoin setup.”

The high-voltage system? Yeah, it’s like the Autobahn of electricity-no stoplights, no speed limits, just pure, unfiltered juice. Meanwhile, the rest of us are stuck on the local roads, bumper-to-bumper with a toaster and a ceiling fan.

“United States electricity demand is expected to grow at an extraordinary pace,” Wright writes, as if he just noticed. 🙄 No kidding, Sherlock. Maybe because we’ve decided to run an entire industry on machines that do… math? And heat up entire warehouse districts?

“Although there are several drivers to this demand growth, such as home and vehicle electrification, increasing quantities of large commercial and industrial load, most notably data centers, are connecting rapidly to the transmission system.”

Translation: “We’re panicking a little because AI companies are opening data centers like they’re Dollar Stores, and somehow, nobody thought to upgrade the grid first. Who could’ve seen this coming?”

Bitcoin Miners and AI Centers: The New Energy VIPs 🥂

S. Matthew Schultz, CEO of CleanSpark (which sounds like a dating app for solar panels), chimed in on X-because of course he did-saying the proposed rules would expedite connections for “flexible loads like Bitcoin mining and data centers.”

Friendly reminder: “flexible load” is corporate-speak for “we’ll use power when it’s cheap and vanish when it’s not, leaving you holding the blackouts.” But sure, call it “grid strengthening.” That’s like calling binge-eating a “flexible nutritional strategy.” 🍕⚡

Bitcoin miners need a lot of power. We’re talking “run a clothes dryer 24/7 for 10,000 years” levels of power. All to-get this-verify digital coins no one uses for actual purchases. But hey, it secures the network. So, mission accomplished? I guess? 🤷‍♂️

Now the Wait is Only 60 Days! 😎

Under the new proposal, FERC would have to approve or deny connections in 60 days-down from the current “several years” because, surprise, bureaucracy moves at the speed of dial-up. But fear not! As long as the applicant agrees to pay for any grid upgrades (translation: “we’ll charge someone else eventually”), they’re golden.

Wright also gave FERC a deadline: respond within six months. That’s April 30, 2026. Which, in government time, is like, tomorrow. So I’m sure we’ll hear back by… 2028. Maybe.

Meanwhile, Bitcoin miners and AI data centers are out here playing Energy Monopoly, snapping up cheap, sustainable energy like it’s going out of style. And reportedly, this could “bring renewed institutional investment.” Great. So we’re sacrificing residential reliability so hedge funds can mine imaginary money?

Just another day in the future we were promised. 😅🔋🚜

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2025-10-24 09:28