Metaplanet’s ¥3.6B Bitcoin Bonanza: Tokyo Company Flirts With Crypto Glory (And Disaster?)

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Once again, under the gray heavens of Tokyo, the workers of Metaplanet sweat—not over iron and coal, but numbers glowing green and red on digital screens. Their bosses, drunk on dreams and untarnished by doubt, have tossed another ¥3.6 billion (the kind you need both hands to count) into the bottomless Bitcoin pit. “Bonds,” they say—ah, such noble paper!—issued for the twelfth time. Bread for the treasury, vodka for the accountants, and, perhaps, a crumb for the common folk clinging to the hope of a bonus.

*Metaplanet Issues 3.6 Billion JPY in 0% Ordinary Bonds to Purchase Additional $BTC*
— Metaplanet Inc. (@Metaplanet_JP) May 2, 2025

They already brag of more than 5,000 BTC in the vaults—cold and unfeeling as a czar’s winter fortress—but not enough to satisfy appetites as ravenous as a Moscow crowd before bread lines. This fresh batch of bonds, seasoned with ambition and perhaps a touch of madness, will push them toward the magic goal: 10,000 BTC before the curtain falls on 2025. Will they make it? The gods of fortune roll their dice; the babushkas glare suspiciously.

As if the Tokyo air were not bracing enough, Metaplanet decided to sun themselves in Miami, founding a new treasury subsidiary with $250 million to chase digital fortunes on American soil. One can only imagine the boardroom: sea breezes, palm trees, dreams growing faster than mold on stale black bread. The subsidiary will focus on hoarding Bitcoin—and, quite possibly, on perfecting the tan lines of swift and mercenary ambition.

Metaplanet’s quest is not some lonely fool’s errand, either. Across distant lands, other houses of risk—Strategy among them—keep snapping up Bitcoin with hungry hands, like pensioners chasing after the last potato at the market. Fifteen thousand coins here, a billion there—what could possibly go wrong? If fortune frowns, perhaps they’ll be forced to trade their digital gold for soup. Or laughter. Stranger things have happened in the history of men and money. 😂

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2025-05-02 13:28