London Firm Buys Bitcoin Like It’s Going Out of Style-But Will It Stick? 🤔

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Ah, the sweet smell of institutional FOMO in the air. This time, however, it wafts not from Silicon Valley but from the foggy streets of London. Satsuma Technology, a firm that sounds like it could sell you a fancy fruit salad, has just pulled off a financial maneuver so bold it makes Michael Saylor look like an amateur. In a recent £163.6 million ($218 million) convertible note financing round, nearly 60% was settled in Bitcoin. Yes, you read that right: they’re stacking sats like it’s Black Friday at the Bitcoin megastore. 🛒

According to their announcement (which probably came with a trumpet fanfare), Satsuma now holds 1,097 BTC, worth about £96.9 million at the time of settlement. Ah, the magic of numbers-let them sink in for a moment. Or don’t, because we’re just getting started.

Satsuma: The Bitcoin Convertible Note Crusaders 🥷

This event, which wrapped up on July 28, marks the first large-scale Bitcoin-denominated capital raise by a publicly listed company in London. A historic moment, if you’re into that sort of thing. With this move, Satsuma’s total Bitcoin stash now stands at 1,126 BTC, valued at over $128 million at current prices. And where is all this Bitcoin being stored, you ask? In Singapore, naturally. Because nothing screams “trustworthy” like stashing your crypto in a jurisdiction with slightly… *creative* tax laws. 🌏

According to data from BitcoinTreasuries.NET, Satsuma is now the second-largest corporate holder of Bitcoin in the UK, trailing only The Smarter Web Company. Their average cost basis? A cool $115,149 per BTC. Not bad, considering they didn’t have to wait in line at the Bitcoin ATM like the rest of us peasants. Henry K. Elder, CEO of Satsuma, claims the funds will be used to grow decentralized AI infrastructure and bolster digital asset reserves. Oh, and transparency? They’ll report on their BTC holdings regularly, because apparently, they’ve heard of accountability. 😌

MicroStrategy Who? Satsuma Steps Into the Spotlight 🌟

If you’re thinking this sounds eerily similar to MicroStrategy’s playbook, you’re not wrong. Under the leadership of its ever-quotable co-founder Michael Saylor, MicroStrategy has turned itself into what can only be described as a Bitcoin ETF with a PowerPoint presentation. Since 2020, they’ve accumulated over 628,791 BTC, spending a whopping $33.139 billion in the process. But here’s the twist: Satsuma isn’t playing by MicroStrategy’s rules. Instead of raising fiat and converting it later, they’re taking Bitcoin straight from investors. It’s like skipping the middleman and going straight to the Bitcoin buffet. 🍽️

Their most recent fundraising round, led by ParaFi Capital, attracted support from crypto heavyweights like Pantera Capital, Digital Currency Group (DCG), and Kraken.com. Even UK equity market bigwigs managing a combined £300 billion in assets threw their hats into the ring. Clearly, someone in London has been reading Satoshi’s whitepaper-and maybe a few too many bullish Reddit threads. 📈

And let’s not forget the timing. Regulatory attitudes in the UK are softening faster than butter in a microwave. If Satsuma succeeds, other publicly traded companies might follow suit, incorporating Bitcoin into their balance sheets like it’s the latest fashion trend. As of now, UK-listed companies hold 3,658 BTC, while private firms hold a modest 88 BTC. Will Satsuma spark a Bitcoin gold rush across Europe? Or will they trip over their own ambition and faceplant into the Thames? Only time will tell. ⏳

In conclusion, dear reader, let us marvel at the absurdity of it all. A London-based firm buying Bitcoin like it’s the last loaf of sourdough at Whole Foods. A CEO promising transparency while storing his treasure chest in Singapore. And a world where even the most buttoned-up institutions are dipping their toes into the crypto waters. Truly, we live in strange and hilarious times. 🎭

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2025-08-07 23:35