JPMorgan Chase & Co., that paragon of financial virtue, is now allowing institutional clients to use Bitcoin and Ether as collateral for loans. A marvel of modern finance, where digital coins replace gold and stocks, and the only thing more volatile than the market is the bank’s trust in it. 🤯
Bloomberg whispers that this program will span the globe, with a “trusted third-party” company holding the tokens-probably a sentient algorithm with a penchant for existential dread. 🧠💀
Jamie Dimon’s Changing Tone on Bitcoin
For JPMorgan, this shift is both practical and symbolic. Their CEO, Jamie Dimon, once called Bitcoin a “fraud” and compared it to a “pet rock.” Now, he’s practically bowing to the blockchain gods. One wonders if the pet rock has finally learned to speak in binary. 🪨⚡
Morgan Stanley, ever the trendsetter, plans to let E*Trade users trade crypto next year. Meanwhile, Fidelity and others offer safe storage, as if digital assets could ever be safe in a world where even paper money is just a piece of cloth. 🧾
JPMorgan first toyed with crypto loans in 2022 but paused, citing “unclear rules.” Now, with regulations in the EU, Singapore, and the UAE, the bank is back-probably because the regulators are just as confused as everyone else. 🤷♂️
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2025-10-24 15:32