Government Shutdown: Markets Freak Out – Who Cares? 😂

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So, the U.S. government shuts down again, like some bad rerun of a sitcom nobody asked for, and now markets are flipping out. Investors are all huddled up, sweating bullets over delayed reports and this wild volatility party. Me? I’m just here shaking my head, wondering why these clowns can’t fund the circus without turning into World War P.

Stick around for my half-baked take on market meltdowns and crypto’s weird obsession with staying afloat. 🚀💥

Shutdown Strikes, Markets Throw a Tantrum

U.S. equity futures tank after Congress can’t even agree on pizza toppings – I mean, a funding bill. S&P 500 and Nasdaq 100 futures drop 0.5%, the dollar’s doing its impression of a drunken sailor weakening for the fourth day, and gold? Gold’s hitting records at over $3,875 an ounce. Because, you know, shiny rocks are the new safe haven.

This whole mess is Democrats vs. Trump over healthcare, and the guy’s out there saying federal workers might get the boot permanently. Like, “Hey, guys, enjoy living with your cats – permanently!” 🙄

Bloomberg says the Congressional Budget Office thinks 750,000 workers might get furloughed – unpaid vacation from hell, costing $400 million a day. Slow spending? Hurt the economy? Please, it’s a party foul more than anything.

Markets Gear Up for a Rollercoaster of BS

Analysts are betting this drags on a week or two, with maybe no big economic oopsies if they snap out of it quick. Sarcasm aside, that’s actually hopeful.

Last shutdown in 2018 lasted 35 days – longest ever, woo. Government functions pause, but stocks? They laugh it off long-term. S&P 500 actually rose in 86% of shutdowns a year later. Classic move: strike fear, make bankers richer. ✌️

The US government shutdown:

For the first time since 2018, the US is about to enter a government shutdown and investors are bracing for it.

This would furlough 750,000 workers PER DAY, costing ~$400M in daily compensation.

What does it all mean? Let us explain.

(a thread)

– The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) September 30, 2025

Short term? Buckle up for turbulence. Gold’s up 45% this year – because who doesn’t love hoarding metal like a doomsday prepper? Dollar’s headed for its worst year since 1973. Lame.

Bitcoin‘s chilling at $116,419, up 3% in 24 hours. Past shutdowns? Bitcoin’s been all over the map – like my mood when I miss Larry David reruns. Total crypto market cap at $4.09 trillion, up 3% today. With the Fed slashing rates amid screaming inflation, everyone’s chasing yields, which means more swings than a bad date. 🎢

Economic Data: MIA and Loving It?

Shutdown might delay goodies like jobs data on Oct. 3, trade balance on Oct. 7, CPI on Oct. 15, and PPI on Oct. 16. Markets live for this stuff to gauge growth, inflation, and Fed tantrums.

Experts scream: “If data vanishes, even a hiccup could crash the market.” Overreact much? It’s like skipping a meal and thinking you’ll starve. 📉

Crypto ETFs: Delayed Again, Cute

Shutdown could jam up crypto ETF approvals. Come on, we were close to a spot SOL ETF!

Nate Geraci from NovaDius says issuers were drooling over it next week. Now? Snooze. 🤦‍♂️

Crypto crowd’s glued to screens. Trader Doctor Profit moans about delayed NFP and CPI reports, plus expiring options vanishing – our lobby boys against downside. Less protection? Thinner liquidity? Hello, volatility explosion! Market’s gonna be as predictable as my ex’s moods.

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2025-10-01 13:59