Durov’s Year-Long Legal Circus: Free Speech or Just Another Parisian Meltdown? 🎭

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One year ago, Pavel Durov got arrested in Paris, and suddenly everyone cares about free speech? 🤯 Who knew! Free speech activists are in full meltdown mode, like their Wi-Fi just got cut off. Meanwhile, the future of platform moderation? Let’s just say it’s not looking *moderately* bright.

August 24, 2024: Durov lands in Paris, gets nabbed at the airport like he forgot to tip the plane. French cops slapped him with 12 charges, accusing him of being the *mastermind* behind every shady thing on Telegram. Fraud! Drugs! Cyberbullying! Organized crime! Next they’ll say he invented the internet. 😒

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Durov’s Trial? More Like a Waiting Game from Hell

France’s OFMIN (because nothing says drama like a French acronym) kicked off the Telegram witch hunt. Their claim? Durov’s hands are dirty because *users* misbehaved. Classic. Like blaming your neighbor for your dog’s bad behavior. 🐶

Investigators: “Telegram doesn’t moderate!” Telegram: “We do too!” (But also, they don’t.) EU laws? The Digital Services Act? Moderation standards? Sure, let’s all nod and pretend this isn’t a total mess. 🤷

The TON Society called the arrest “an assault on human rights.” Bold! Meanwhile, Edward Snowden accused Macron of “hostage-taking.” Bro, you’re literally in Russia. Priorities! 🤨

Durov finally spoke in September 2024: “We’ll leave markets that don’t vibe with us.” How noble! 🙃 Also: His partner had a miscarriage due to stress. Oof. The drama! The tragedy! The… *relatable stress of dealing with in-laws*? Okay, maybe not. 😬

December court date. Months later, he jet-sets to UAE like, “Catch me if you caaaan!” France: “You’re banned!” Durov: “But I’m *bored*.” 🛫

In June, Durov told Tucker: “I’m not even on trial yet! Just hanging out with *investigative judges*.” Sounds fun! Like jury duty, but with better snacks. 🍿

Encrypted Messengers: The World’s Most Hated Roommates

Globally, governments are teaming up to ruin encrypted messengers. Denmark wants WhatsApp and Signal to scan *every message*. Child safety! Or is it? 🧸

The EU’s “Chat Control” bill: 19 countries are all-in. Next step? Mandatory emoji checks. 🚨

Durov: “We’ll exit markets before breaking encryption!” How virtuous! Unlike those sellout apps that trade privacy for a seat at the cool kids’ table. 😒

Russia: “You want privacy? Get lost!” Banned Telegram, WhatsApp, Facebook-meanwhile, their own app *Max* stores all your data. Pre-installed on phones! It’s like a creepy ex who won’t stop texting. 📱

Privacy’s under attack everywhere. Durov’s case drags on like a bad reality show. But hey, at least we’ve got memes to distract us. 🤷

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2025-08-24 17:09