Digital Euro: Because Apparently, Cash Isn’t Enough 🙄

Right. So, on the 4th of September, 2025 – a date which will no doubt be etched in the annals of… well, something – Herr Cipollone of the ECB (Executive Board Member, no less, which sounds terribly important) addressed that august body, the European Parliament. The gist of it? Europe needs a digital euro. For reasons. Mostly involving not wanting to rely on other countries’ funny money and bits of code. You know, *strategic autonomy*. A phrase that’s always a bit worrying, frankly. It usually means someone’s building a bigger wall.

Apparently, a whopping 66% of all card transactions in the Eurozone are handled by non-European entities. 66%! That’s…a lot. And with that comes fees. And risks to monetary sovereignty. Which sounds awfully dramatic, doesn’t it? Like the Euro is a fragile porcelain doll that might shatter if someone uses an American credit card. Cipollone also mentioned these “stablecoins” coming out of the US – the “Genius Act,” they call it. Clever name. Just absolutely brimming with humility. It’s like a digital arms race, only with money. And the potential for things to go spectacularly wrong. 🤯

This digital euro, currently being fiddled with until late 2025, won’t replace actual cash, oh no. That would be sensible. It’ll *complement* it. Because everyone’s crying out for more ways to pay for things. It’ll even have offline payments! For when the apocalypse hits and the internet finally gives up on us all. And it’ll be accessible for vulnerable groups. Which is good, because one imagines being vulnerable and not understanding digital currency is a particularly unpleasant combination. A standardised rulebook is also planned – a grand plan to stop anyone messing about with the system, and incidentally, creating jobs for people who write rulebooks. Competition and resilience against cyberattacks are, naturally, key priorities. Though we all know cyberattacks are like pigeons; you can try to keep them away, but they’ll always find a way. 🤦‍♀️

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2025-09-05 11:58