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The ex-President, a man whose pronouncements are often as reliable as a weather forecast dictated by a particularly whimsical goldfish, has deigned to comment on the pardon granted to one Changpeng Zhao – “CZ” to those in the know, or those attempting to appear so. Apparently, a considerable chorus of voices, little songbirds of influence, fluttered around his ear, whispering assurances that the gentleman hadn’t, in fact, done anything terribly dreadful. A fascinatingly vague justification, wouldn’t you agree? 😇
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The pardon itself, a document of presidential generosity (or perhaps something more opaque), was dispatched on Wednesday, a fact Binance was quick to confirm to the digital scribes at CryptoMoon – a name, I suspect, chosen with a rather heavy hand towards irony.
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During a press briefing, a spectacle one approaches with the same guarded optimism as a visit to the dentist, Trump elaborated. He’d been “recommended” – a wonderfully passive construction, implying a sort of benevolent puppetry – and “people say” the chap was innocent. “People,” of course, being a notoriously trustworthy source. He’s apparently never met the man! A curious detachment, don\’t you think? It\’s as if he\’s describing a particularly interesting variety of beetle he once glimpsed in a garden.
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“I don’t know him, I don’t believe I’ve ever met him, but I’ve been told he had a lot of support, and they said that what he did is not even a crime, it wasn’t a crime, he was persecuted by the Biden Administration.”
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A Rearview Mirror Examination of Past Governance
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Now, for the slightly less shimmering reality. Mr. Zhao, you see, was sentenced to a mere four months – a trifle, really – after admitting a rather careless oversight concerning the Bank Secrecy Act and the rather tedious demands of anti-money laundering protocols. Apparently, details are so frightfully inconvenient. 🙄
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His attorney, one Teresa Goody Guillén (a name that positively begs for a character in a boulevardier play), assures us the pardon was entirely justified, pointing out the absence of, shall we say, the messier elements: no fraud, no victims, no prior offenses, and, crucially, no actual money laundering. Just a… compliance program that lacked a certain élan.
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She further posits that CZ is a uniquely unfortunate figure: the sole first-time offender to receive incarceration for such a… technical infraction. A rather poignant observation, if one is inclined towards sentimentality, which, naturally, I am not.
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“The judge found NO evidence that he knew of any illicit transactions and that it was reasonable for him to believe there were no illicit funds on the platform.”
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Return of the Prodigal Crypto King?
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Our hero, upon receiving this presidential absolution, promptly took to X (formerly Twitter, a platform now owned by another gentleman with, let’s say, a flair for the dramatic) to express his “deep gratitude” and a fervent desire to transform America into the epicenter of all things cryptocurrency – a prospect that fills one with either boundless optimism or a quiet sense of dread. 💰
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The small matter of a plea deal that previously required his relinquishment of the Binance throne and forbade his further involvement with the exchange… well, a pardon, one gathers, has a rather convenient habit of smoothing over such trifling inconveniences. The possibility of a return, a veritable restoration, hangs heavy in the air. Such a delicious irony. 🎉
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The ex-President, a man whose pronouncements are often as reliable as a weather forecast dictated by a particularly whimsical goldfish, has deigned to comment on the pardon granted to one Changpeng Zhao – “CZ” to those in the know, or those attempting to appear so. Apparently, a considerable chorus of voices, little songbirds of influence, fluttered around his ear, whispering assurances that the gentleman hadn’t, in fact, done anything terribly dreadful. A fascinatingly vague justification, wouldn’t you agree? 😇
The pardon itself, a document of presidential generosity (or perhaps something more opaque), was dispatched on Wednesday, a fact Binance was quick to confirm to the digital scribes at CryptoMoon – a name, I suspect, chosen with a rather heavy hand towards irony.
During a press briefing, a spectacle one approaches with the same guarded optimism as a visit to the dentist, Trump elaborated. He’d been “recommended” – a wonderfully passive construction, implying a sort of benevolent puppetry – and “people say” the chap was innocent. “People,” of course, being a notoriously trustworthy source. He’s apparently never met the man! A curious detachment, don’t you think? It’s as if he’s describing a particularly interesting variety of beetle he once glimpsed in a garden.
“I don’t know him, I don’t believe I’ve ever met him, but I’ve been told he had a lot of support, and they said that what he did is not even a crime, it wasn’t a crime, he was persecuted by the Biden Administration.”
A Rearview Mirror Examination of Past Governance
Now, for the slightly less shimmering reality. Mr. Zhao, you see, was sentenced to a mere four months – a trifle, really – after admitting a rather careless oversight concerning the Bank Secrecy Act and the rather tedious demands of anti-money laundering protocols. Apparently, details are so frightfully inconvenient. 🙄
His attorney, one Teresa Goody Guillén (a name that positively begs for a character in a boulevardier play), assures us the pardon was entirely justified, pointing out the absence of, shall we say, the messier elements: no fraud, no victims, no prior offenses, and, crucially, no actual money laundering. Just a… compliance program that lacked a certain élan.
She further posits that CZ is a uniquely unfortunate figure: the sole first-time offender to receive incarceration for such a… technical infraction. A rather poignant observation, if one is inclined towards sentimentality, which, naturally, I am not.
“The judge found NO evidence that he knew of any illicit transactions and that it was reasonable for him to believe there were no illicit funds on the platform.”
Return of the Prodigal Crypto King?
Our hero, upon receiving this presidential absolution, promptly took to X (formerly Twitter, a platform now owned by another gentleman with, let’s say, a flair for the dramatic) to express his “deep gratitude” and a fervent desire to transform America into the epicenter of all things cryptocurrency – a prospect that fills one with either boundless optimism or a quiet sense of dread. 💰
The small matter of a plea deal that previously required his relinquishment of the Binance throne and forbade his further involvement with the exchange… well, a pardon, one gathers, has a rather convenient habit of smoothing over such trifling inconveniences. The possibility of a return, a veritable restoration, hangs heavy in the air. Such a delicious irony. 🎉
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2025-10-24 03:51