On a Saturday morning, which is scientifically proven to be the absolute worst time for whales to do anything more exciting than swimming gently, two rather plump TRUMP token holders looked at their piles of crypto, experienced that peculiar urge to panic, and jettisoned precisely 765,128 tokens into the abyss for $8.58 million. In the process, they achieved exactly what nobody aims for on purpose—a gaping, humiliating loss of $2.34 million. 🫠
This display of financial acrobatics occurred on May 4, 2025, a date now cherished as National Whale Facepalm Day by nobody except possibly their accountants. The token price plummeted over 10%—at almost the same rate your enthusiasm falls after looking at your own crypto portfolio—sliding from $12 to $10.50 in mere hours, CoinGecko notes, sounding suspiciously cheerful about it.
Trading volumes soared (for the uninitiated: this is what happens when everyone rushes to the lifeboats and realizes the captain is already gone). Naturally, jitters seized the market. Menacing phrases like “unexpected moves” circulated while traders rediscovered the joys of existential dread.
Whales’ Great Escape: With All the Grace of a Soggy Biscuit
Fun fact: These particular wallets had, not so long ago, made lovely profits on TRUMP. Wallet 3kjP9L, in a dazzling bout of optimism, offloaded 337,560 tokens for $3.80 million—losing $1.38 million, not exactly the result you write home about unless you want to be uninvited from Christmas. Earlier, this wallet had bagged $196,000 in profits, demonstrating the classic market strategy of giving with one hand and yanking with the other.
“Two whales dumped 765,128 $TRUMP ($8.58M) for a $2.34M loss! 3kjP9L had a $196K gain, just lost $1.38M. 7X6Vun once made $732K, now $961K lighter. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!”
— Lookonchain (@lookonchain), May 4, 2025
Not to be outdone, wallet 7X6Vun (a name that really rolls off the tongue) dumped 427,568 tokens for $4.77 million, suffering a $961k loss. This wallet previously pocketed $732k, making it the sort of rollercoaster even the bravest traders would queue for twice.
Apparently these whales, sensing the market was developing all the stability of a chocolate teapot on a sunny windowsill, tried to cut their losses. But timing, that cruel cosmic prankster, had other ideas.
TRUMP Volume Explodes, Investors Experience Sudden Acuity of Regret
Following the exodus, trading volume on TRUMP shot up 80% to $15.3 million on Binance and KuCoin. Volume surges can be reassuring in the same way as discovering your airplane seat is directly above the engine—exciting, but probably not for the right reasons. Buyers and sellers started reacting with dazzling irrationality. 🎢
TRUMP now trades at $11.18, down 27% in just seven days—the financial equivalent of losing your hat, shoes, jacket, and also your will to check your trading app. Will it climb again, or will more whales see the lifeboats and join in? Place your bets, but maybe don’t mortgage the house.
The TRUMP token’s previous high was credited to a completely sensible event—reports that U.S. President Donald Trump would be personally inviting top token holders for an evening at his Washington Golf Club. This electrified the market, because nothing says blockchain confidence like canapés and chat with an ex-president.
Traders, never ones to miss a golden opportunity or a herd movement, loaded up on TRUMP. But the recent nosedive is making a few of them wonder whether the only thing supporting the price was their own overactive imagination. Or, more accurately, other people’s.
Reports by State Democracy Defenders Action (their business cards must require folding) estimate Trump’s crypto-related assets to make up almost 40% of his projected $2.9 billion net worth. These include both TRUMP and MELANIA meme coins and a stake in something cheerfully called World Liberty Financial, which sounds a bit like a money laundering simulator from 2006.
World Liberty, founded in October 2024, is apparently a Trump-connected crypto exchange. Recently, news of a $2 billion investment from Abu Dhabi’s MGX hit, so that World Liberty can purchase a stablecoin called USD1 and, presumably, do mysterious crypto things with Binance. Stay tuned—next week, who knows, maybe Elon Musk will NFT the letter Q.
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2025-05-05 11:33