In a world where the corridors of power echo with the clatter of misplaced priorities, one cannot help but raise an elegantly arched eyebrow at the latest theatricals from Capitol Hill. While the estimable House Speaker Mike Johnson—a man whose sense of timing rivals that of a clockwork orange—hastily drew the curtains on the House to spare the blushes of one Ghislaine Maxwell (a name that clings to the palate like a cheap claret), the so-called “Crypto Queen,” Senator Cynthia Lummis of the rugged wilderness of Wyoming, has taken it upon herself to rally the troops. With a flourish worthy of a Victorian melodrama, she issued a press release on Tuesday, beseeching her colleagues to forsake their August sojourns and remain chained to their desks. “There’s too much work to be done to go home in August,” she declared, her voice doubtless trembling with the weight of her own importance. “I’m calling on my colleagues to stay in Washington and finish the job the American people elected us to do.” One can almost hear the collective groan of senators clutching their martini glasses in despair. 🍸
Earlier that selfsame Tuesday, the Senate Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs—a body whose name alone is enough to induce a yawn of epic proportions—unveiled a discussion draft of digital asset market structure legislation. A thrilling read, no doubt, for those whose idea of a page-turner involves footnotes and legalese. Lummis, who chairs the Subcommittee on Digital Assets (a title that sounds like something dreamed up by a particularly ambitious bureaucrat), is part of the larger committee led by South Carolina’s Tim Scott. “The American people delivered a decisive mandate for President Trump and a Republican Senate majority to implement this agenda – we cannot let them down,” the release proclaims, with all the subtlety of a brass band at a funeral. 🎺
One cannot help but marvel at the sheer audacity of it all. While the nation grapples with matters of far greater import—the sort of things that might actually keep one awake at night—our elected representatives are engaged in a high-stakes game of legislative musical chairs. And the Crypto Queen, with her crown tilted at a jaunty angle, stands at the center of it all, a modern-day Boadicea rallying her troops to the cause of… well, staying at work. Bravo, Senator Lummis. Bravo. 👑
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2025-07-23 06:27