Oh, the crypto market! That fickle, dramatic diva took a nosedive on August 1st, plunging nearly 6% in 24 hours. 😱 Why? Because apparently, Trump’s tariffs and the Fed’s “we’re-not-sure-what-we’re-doing” policy decided to throw a party and invite global uncertainty. 🎉🤡
Billions vanished faster than my will to diet after seeing a cake. Bitcoin? Down to $114,322. Long positions? Liquidated to the tune of $577 million. Ouch. 🥴💸 (Source: CoinGlass, because who doesn’t love a good glass of data?)
Trump’s Tariffs: The Crypto Market’s Worst Wingman
So, Trump announced tariffs ranging from 10% to 50% on imports from 60+ countries. Canada got hit with 35%, and Laos and Myanmar got 40%. 🌍🔥 Investors were like, “Trade war? Pass the popcorn!” 🍿 But then they realized their crypto portfolios were the popcorn, and it was getting burned. 🔥
Cryptos, which were all “We’re so regulated now, yay!” suddenly remembered they’re still tied to the global economy. 😬 The Fed’s “let’s keep rates high but maybe not” stance didn’t help. Confidence? Liquidated. Just like those poor long positions.
Liquidations: The Crypto Bloodbath Continues
Ethereum led the liquidation parade with $168.9 million, while Bitcoin followed with $144 million. 🎭 Traders were selling faster than Black Friday shoppers grabbing the last discounted toaster. Altcoins? Solana, Cardano, Dogecoin—all down 5-8%. Pudgy Penguins and Sui? Down 14% and 10%, respectively. 🦜❄️ Insider token movements and derivative liquidations? Just the cherry on the meltdown sundae. 🍒
Regulatory & Economic Headwinds: Because Why Not?
This sell-off is a reminder that crypto is still the wild child of finance, deeply tied to global trends. Inflation? Interest rates? Volatility? Yes, please! 🌪️ Analysts say Bitcoin needs to reclaim $116K, but let’s be real—it’s probably busy crying in a corner. 😢 All eyes are now on U.S. jobs data, because apparently, the Fed needs a nudge to decide if it’s feeling dovish. 🕊️
For now, digital assets are acting like traditional risk assets, proving that the market craves stability and regulation. Who knew? 🤷♀️
Cover image from ChatGPT, BTCUSD chart from Tradingview. Because even AI can’t save us from this mess. 🤖📉
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2025-08-02 06:14