Crypto, Clowns, and the Circus of European Politics

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Ah, the grand farce of politics! Since the illustrious Donald Trump, that paragon of subtlety, anointed crypto as the sacred cow of his campaign, Europe’s right-wing luminaries have scrambled like chickens after a scattered bag of bitcoins. Yes, the digital gold rush has ensnared them all, each vying to outdo the other in a spectacle of pandering and profiteering.

The right-wing, ever the bastion of tradition, has embraced Bitcoin with the fervor of a convert at a revival meeting. Its non-sovereign nature, they declare, is the very essence of freedom-freedom from the meddling hands of the state, freedom to hoard wealth in the shadows, and freedom to confuse the masses with jargon. Ah, the libertarians and conservatives, those noble souls, have found their new deity in the blockchain.

Yet, the opposition, ever the spoilsport, dares to question this divine order. “Financial flows must be transparent!” they cry, as if transparency were not the greatest enemy of the modern statesman.

Trump’s Crypto Playbook: A Global Farce

In the annals of 2024, Trump, that master of the absurd, declared crypto the cornerstone of his presidential agenda. A strategic move, indeed, for the digital asset had become the opium of the masses, its growth stifled only by the pesky regulations of those who dare to govern. Yet, the lucre flowed like a river, with crypto magnates showering millions upon any candidate bold enough to whisper the word “blockchain.”

And lo, Trump triumphed. The world watched, agog, as Europe’s politicos, ever the imitators, seized upon this playbook with the zeal of converts. The United Kingdom’s Reform Party, led by the indefatigable Nigel Farage, emerged as the most egregious example of this folly.

Reform UK: Opening the Floodgates to Crypto

In May 2025, Reform, with a flourish worthy of a circus ringmaster, became the first UK party to accept crypto donations. Farage, that silver-tongued orator, proclaimed this revolution from the hallowed halls of the Bitcoin Conference in Las Vegas, where he was anointed as a presidential hopeful. In his speech, he vowed to introduce a cryptoassets and digital finance bill, a masterpiece of legislation that would cap capital gains taxes at a mere 10%. “We shall launch a crypto revolution in Britain!” he declared, his voice dripping with melodrama.

‘We are going to launch a crypto revolution in Britain.’

Reform UK Leader Nigel Farage has unveiled a new initiative – the Crypto Assets and Digital Finance Bill – which his party has drafted and will actively campaign for.

– GB News (@GBNEWS) May 29, 2025

And the donations poured in, like manna from heaven. In December, it was revealed that Christopher Harborne, that aviation tycoon and crypto evangelist, had bestowed upon the party a princely sum of £9 million. A cash donation, mind you, for even the crypto elite prefer the old ways when it comes to largesse.

Farage’s ties to Trump’s inner circle, once whispered in the corridors of power, soon became the stuff of public scandal. Byline Times, that intrepid chronicler of the absurd, reported that Farage had received a £30,000 speaking fee from Blockworks Inc., a crypto behemoth with ties to Trump’s investment circles. And this, long before he declared his presidential ambitions. Ah, the tangled web of crypto and politics!

According to the indefatigable journalist Nafeez Ahmed, David Bailey, chief executive of BTC Inc. and Trump’s crypto whisperer, had paid Farage a speaking fee through his company. Months later, Farage unveiled his pro-crypto platform. Coincidence? The nose of this observer twitches with skepticism.

Yet, the UK is not alone in this crypto frenzy. Its neighbors, though less enthusiastic, have begun to dip their toes into the digital waters.

France’s Far Right: A Crypto Conversion

Ah, France, land of wine, cheese, and now, crypto. Since the mid-2010s, the far-right has danced on the fringes of power, ever the bridesmaid, never the bride. Marine Le Pen, that stalwart of the National Rally, has undergone a metamorphosis worthy of a Gogol novel. In 2016, she vowed to ban Bitcoin, decrying it as the spawn of the “ruling elite” and Wall Street. But by 2025, she had seen the light, proposing that France should not only regulate but create digital assets. Last March, she even endorsed using surplus nuclear energy to mine Bitcoin, a reversal so dramatic it would make a Gogol character blush.

France

Rassemblement National drafts law to mine Bitcoin with surplus nuclear energy from EDF plants. Major reversal from Marine Le Pen’s 2016 crypto ban stance, now calling mining “secure and extremely profitable.”

5/8

– CoinMarketCap (@CoinMarketCap) August 13, 2025

Reconquête, another far-right party, has also jumped on the bandwagon, proposing a strategic Bitcoin reserve. According to Le Monde, their legislation is a near-carbon copy of Trump’s executive order. Ah, the global village of crypto!

This newfound love for digital assets is not without reason. A 2024 report revealed that 12% of French citizens owned crypto, a 25% increase from the previous year. The politicians, ever the opportunists, have smelled the votes.

As Trump’s campaign demonstrated, crypto-aligned voters are a growing demographic, a golden goose for the politically ambitious. And in other corners of Europe, the crypto embrace has been even more fervent.

Mentzen: Poland’s Crypto Messiah

Poland, that land of pierogi and patriotism, has seen a resurgence of far-right sentiment in recent years. Sławomir Mentzen, chairman of the New Hope party, has emerged as a crypto pioneer, his personal fortune tied to the whims of Bitcoin. When he disclosed his finances in 2023, his Bitcoin holdings were valued at 5 million zloty, or nearly $1.5 million. A true believer, he had invested all his savings in crypto as early as 2013.

His political platform reflects this enthusiasm. During his presidential campaign, he pledged to establish a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve and create a crypto-friendly environment. “Poland shall become a cryptocurrency haven!” he declared, his voice ringing with messianic fervor. “Low taxes, friendly regulations, and a moon-bound BTC!”

Poland should create a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve.

If I become the President of Poland, our country will become a cryptocurrency haven, with very friendly regulations, low taxes, and a supportive approach from banks and regulators.

BTC to the Moon!

– Sławomir Mentzen (@SlawomirMentzen) November 17, 2024

His message resonated with the masses. According to Statista, 19% of Poles, or roughly 7 million people, used cryptocurrencies in 2025, a figure projected to rise. Though Mentzen placed third in the presidential election, his 15% share of the vote marked a significant showing for a far-right candidate in Poland.

And so, the crypto circus continues, with politicians across Europe donning the mantle of blockchain evangelists. Will it end in triumph or tragedy? Only time, and perhaps a Gogol novel, will tell.

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2026-01-31 00:01