Crypto Chaos Under the Iron Fist of Tariffs

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Crypto Calamity: When Tariffs Crush Tokens 😆🚀

Crypto Chaos Under the Iron Fist of Tariffs

In the bitter twilight of modern finance, as if fate herself were playing a cruel joke, the mysterious crypto market staggers beneath the weight of an unrelenting tariff war. Today, Ethereum, once a proud citizen of the digital realm, has plummeted below the sacred threshold of $1,400—a descent reminiscent of the fall of tyrants in forgotten histories. 😏

Just as beleaguered analysts dared to dream of a resurrection, an act of political absurdity—Trump’s astonishing decree of a 104% tariff on China—has mocked their aspirations. Bitcoin, that erstwhile beacon of hope, has tumbled from a lofty high above $78,000 to a dismal $74,600, as if the ghost of history were laughing in the face of modern folly. 😆

At this penurious hour, Bitcoin limps on near $76,800, a paltry 2.80% decline, its daily struggles witnessed by a trading volume of over $57.83 billion—a sobering reminder that even in downfall there is chaos and farce.

Crypto Image

Ethereum’s suffering deepens, as if it carries the burden of a thousand regrets—its price plummeting by 13% from a radiant high, now languishing near $1,445 with a trading volume of $29.4 billion. One might wonder whether this relentless descent is a penance for the hubris of man. 😜

XRP, too, stumbles with an 8% fall, while other digital comrades like SOL, ADA, and DOGE share in the bitter feast of decline, each surrendering 7% of their once-illustrious promise.

Amid this melancholy procession, the NEO blockchain’s GAS token defiantly surges by 38%—an absurd beacon of hope in a world overrun by gloom—while NEO itself modestly climbs 8%. In contrast, the AB token, along with the mischievously named FARTCOIN and its cohort GRASS, BERA, and NEAR, are left to wither in a collective 12-14% purge of their dreams. 🤨

Trending Crypto Today

Top Crypto Gainers Today

  • GAS (Gas): +38%
  • NEO (Neo): +8%
  • DCR (Decred): +4%
  • FORM (Four): +4%
  • LAYER (Solayer): +4%

Top Crypto Losers Today

  • AB (AB): -14%
  • GRASS (Grass): -13%
  • BERA (Berachain): -13%
  • NEAR (Near Protocol): -12%
  • FARTCOIN (Fartcoin): -12%

And so, as recorded by the relentless annals of market history, the global crypto market cap sits desolately at $2.43 trillion amid a staggering trading volume of $134.85 billion—a stark testament to the absurdity of our age. 😅

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2025-04-09 15:03