Oh, honey, let’s talk about the drama. America’s favorite crypto bouncer, Coinbase, just pulled the plug on 25 perpetual futures contracts like a mom at a teen’s birthday party. Effective March 16, 2026, these tokens are officially on cooldown. Don’t worry-it’s not a spot token exorcism, just a fancy way of saying “no more futures for you.”
And just like that, all open positions will be settled at the average index price. Because nothing says “customer care” like automatically cashing out your bets at 3 a.m. while you’re still trying to figure out what a “perpetual futures contract” even is.
GMX, SUSHI, and ARK: The Drama Trio
The list is a who’s who of crypto’s most overqualified side characters. There’s Meteora (MET), the crypto version of a dramatic soap opera star; Babylon Genesis (BABY), which is basically a Bitcoin-themed baby shower; and SushiSwap (SUSHI), the decentralized exchange token that’s basically a sushi roll of DeFi. Then there’s GMX, the Arbitrum-based platform that’s probably judging your trading decisions from a higher plane. Oh, and Arkham (ARK), the on-chain analytics service that’s definitely not a spy agency. Mina, meanwhile, is the blockchain equivalent of a “lightweight” dating profile.
‘Seems Important’: Ripple CTO Emeritus Reacts to DTCC News
By streamlining our perpetual futures lineup, we can focus on supporting the markets customers use most and bringing new, high-quality derivatives to market more efficiently. Over the coming months we will be improving our listing speed by streamlining internal processes and…
– Coinbase Markets 🛡️ (@CoinbaseMarkets) March 3, 2026
Several tokens tied to Telegram-based apps are also on the chopping block, including Notcoin, Dogs, and Catizen. The rest are so niche, they’re probably only traded in the dark corners of the internet by people who still use dial-up.
Most people are like, “Finally, someone’s cleaning up this mess!” Others are quietly panicking, wondering if their crypto wallet is now a liability. But hey, at least the price swings are as smooth as a freshly waxed Tesla.
On the bright side, there are 13 days until the full suspension, and it only affects futures. So unless you’re a day trader with a caffeine addiction, this is probably just Coinbase’s way of saying, “We’re not your mom, but we’re definitely not your friend either.”
Read More
- USD HUF PREDICTION
- Gold Rate Forecast
- Brent Oil Forecast
- One Weird Trick: Billionaires Flock to Crypto-Ready Trump Tower in Dubai! 🏦🏙️
- Crypto Boom: Figure and Friends Leap into the Market-Is it Genius or Madness? 🤔💸
- USD THB PREDICTION
- Frog Frenzy: You Won’t Believe What PEPE Just Did! 🚀
- When Will the Long Traders Finally Give Up? 🤔
- USD GEL PREDICTION
- Will BNB’s $600 Wall Finally Crumble? Spoiler: The Hodlers Are Plotting 😉
2026-03-03 18:13