Cryptonews

The downfall began, as all tragedies do, with a whisper. Technical fissures appeared across the charts, as subtle as a yawn in a silent theater. Bitcoin, once soaring above $103,000 like a proud eagle, now flutters downward, threatening to breach the $100,000 mark. Oh, the humiliation! The DeFi Report, ever the harbinger of doom, declares that while the rally looks splendid on parchment, the reality is as grim as a winter in Siberia. Below the 50, 100, and 200-day moving averages it sinks, like a stone in the Volga. These averages, once stalwart supporters, now turn their backs, signaling a fading bullish spirit. 😢📉

Bitcoin tumbled below $100,000 like a drunk man off a barstool, and might revisit its yearly open at $93,500-momentum’s as weak as a politician’s promise. 🥴

So, Mike Novogratz, the CEO of Galaxy (not the chocolate bar, sadly), has some thoughts on the crypto market. Apparently, it’s as sluggish as a Monday morning without coffee. ☕😴 Long-term holders are reallocating assets like they’re Marie Kondo-ing their portfolios. After a wild bull run, everyone’s diversifying because, you know, balance. 🧘♂️ But here’s the kicker: this is actually a good thing in the long run. Short term? It’s like throwing a wet blanket on a party. 🎉💦

SHIB’s been feeling a little adventurous. Despite everyone else plummeting into despair, it’s managed to creep up by a measly 1.77% over the past 24 hours. Oh, the excitement! 🤑

The Facts

According to a survey by the Alternative Investment Management Association (AIMA) – a group of people who probably wear very expensive glasses and say words like “synergy” a lot – this is an 8% jump from last year. Progress, folks! Or is it just a fancy way of saying they’re chasing the next shiny thing? 🕶️💡

Whale Alert, that trusty watchdog of the blockchain, spotted a transfer of 126,791,448 XRP-enough to make a banker blush. At first glance, it looked like a whale just changed swimming lanes between unknown wallets. But dig a little deeper, and you’ll find both wallets belong to Evernorth Holdings, Ripple’s trusty XRP vault-keeper. 🕵️♂️

As the bears devour everything in their path, even the most optimistic prophets of the crypto world are forced to eat their words. Among them, Merlijn The Trader-oh, that name reeks of expertise and self-assurance-has become a voice of despair, a beacon of resignation. It seems he has thrown in the towel, waving it like a flag of surrender, muttering what we all secretly knew but dared not speak:

In a plot twist that’s more Larry David than Breaking Bad, Keonne Rodriguez, co-founder of the privacy-obsessed Samourai Wallet, is trading his laptop for a prison jumpsuit. Why? Because apparently, helping people keep their Bitcoin transactions private is a no-no when it involves drug lords and scammers. Who knew? 🤔

In a move that makes about as much sense as a plumber recommending you fix your pipes with duct tape, US Federal Reserve Governor Stephen Miran is pushing for a rate cut come December. If that happens, don’t be shocked when investors start eyeing crypto like they’re suddenly allergic to fiat money.