Cryptonews

This act, resembling an old bureaucrat slamming shut his ledger with a self-satisfied grunt, instantly put $100 million out of reach-unless you can convince the contract itself to forgive. The crowd in the marketplace, always eager for drama, whispered that Sun himself had gone on a selling spree so wild, even Gogol’s notorious nose would’ve sniffed it out before supper time. The fallout? Prices collapsed faster than a government promise during Lent.

The internet, ever so classy, immediately picked up on the juicy tidbits and started asking the million-dollar question: “When will we get our spot ETFs for XRP, huh?” Spoiler alert: the answer’s probably not tonight.

The hosts, two weary sages in corduroy, summoned David Hartmann, a man who spoke of XRP like it was the last loaf of bread in a breadless world. “It’s a bridge,” he said, as if crossing a chasm with a stick and a prayer.

Enter Joao Wedson, a man with a plan (and a very catchy name) who believes Bitcoin’s future is tied to one thing: its four-year cycle. Now, he’s predicting that Bitcoin’s bubble might just pop around 2026, and not gently, mind you – think more of a $50,000 floor and less of a soft landing. You see, Bitcoin tends to peak around 18 months after its halving events (which, by the way, sounds like the title of a medieval fantasy novel). According to Wedson, this time won’t be different – or at least, that’s what history would suggest. Hold onto your digital wallets, folks.

Sentiment has been as lively as a graveyard lately, but whispers of new upgrades have begun to stir the crypts. Could this be the resurrection we’ve all been waiting for? Or just another false prophet promising salvation?

Take gold, for instance: it has the enchanted guardians called central banks, those tireless hoarders who hurry to fill their vaults as if the apocalypse were nigh. Stocks, on the other hand, have pension and sovereign funds, those kindly aunts and uncles who love to compound and patiently wait for their spoils. And then there is crypto – poor, lonely crypto. It has none of this affection. The only children at its dinner table are the very companies that swoon and faint alongside their digital coins.

In the labyrinthine world of cryptocurrency, where fortunes are made and lost in the blink of an eye, the past 24 hours have been a theater of the absurd. While the titans of the crypto realm slumbered in their consolidation, a lowly altcoin, Euler (EUL), seized its moment of glory. Its price, like a fevered dream, surged by double digits, briefly touching the heavens at $13.30-a five-week high. Yet, as is the way of all things mortal, it soon retraced to $10.70, leaving behind a trail of both hope and despair. 📈💔

On the fateful day of September 5, the Bureau of Labor Statistics (that dreadful arbiter of mortal toil) whispered that only 22,000 new jobs appeared in August-a number so scant it might have been lost behind the couch cushions of Lady Fortune. Yet, the unemployment rate, that fickle mistress, remained stubbornly fixed at 4.3%. Meanwhile, the tale beneath the numbers told of a labor market cooling as if caught in the chill of a Polish winter; more souls unable to find work, and fewer taking up the honest hustle.

Behold, the SEC’s parchment reveals that 408 BTC were mined, a paltry 353 from cloudly servitude and 55 from self-mining-ah, the irony! 🤡 The CEO, Leo Lu, doth boast of “efficiency” and “hashrate expansion,” as if the numbers themselves were mere phantoms of his imagination.

Backed by Microsoft, no less! Yes, the very same Microsoft that once sold us Clippy, the paperclip with delusions of grandeur, now lends its name to this endeavor. Space and Time, they say, marries blockchain’s security with enterprise-level data architecture-a union as unlikely as a Chekhov protagonist finding happiness. All to support Web 3.0 and AI applications, because what’s life without a little existential dread? 🤖💍