Cryptonews

Meanwhile, Parker White, once the director of engineering wizardry at Kraken, has been bestowed the titles of chief investment officer and chief operating officer. The group isn’t just here for a casual stroll; they gobbled up 728,632 shares like a hungry kraken at a seafood buffet, not to mention all 10,000 Series A preferred shares. And let’s not forget Marco Santori, the former chief legal officer, who now joins the board—presumably to keep them in line and ensure they don’t accidentally sign away the moon.

Local scribes, with their quills poised, have reported that our dear CZ has donned the mantle of a strategic advisor for the illustrious Pakistan Crypto Council. One can only imagine the conversations that will unfold in the hallowed halls of power!

Ah, the Ethereum rival, Solana, has once again claimed its rightful place in the spotlight of the DeFi sector, basking in the glow of its recent triumph. With the SOL ecosystem on the rise, it cements its status as a formidable player in the ever-shifting sands of cryptocurrency. Who would have thought? 🤔

In these perplexing times, buyers might do well to adopt the patience of a seasoned butler waiting for tea; there’s no unmistakable sign that the market bottom has even been formulated yet. One might also keep a jolly eye on BTC trends for whispers of broader market happenings.

EOS is up nearly 15% over the past seven days, standing out as one of the few large-cap gainers. Jupiter remains the top crypto aggregator by volume, even as its price hovers near all-time lows.

Just as we toiled in the frozen wastes of Siberia, MANTRA Chain has labored to create their new investment fund – the MANTRA Ecosystem Fund (MEF). Oh, what grand plans they have! 108 million dollars, comrades! Even the Party commissars would blush at such numbers. And now they parade their Dubai VASP license like a medal of valor. 🏅

At the LONGITUDE by CryptoMoon event in Paris (Yes, Paris. Not your average crypto location, right?), MN Capital’s Michael van de Poppe dropped the bomb: “The bull market is just getting started.” Yes, you read that right. Start your engines, people. He’s basically saying, “Chill out, we’re only warming up.” 🙄

This newfound hype is akin to a cat discovering a laser pointer—exciting, unpredictable, and likely to end in chaos. The partnership promises to unlock the secrets of decentralized AI, which, if you ask anyone in a lab coat, is the future of everything, including your morning coffee.

On this most curious day of April 7, the digital coin has managed a modest ascension of nearly 1%, reaching the almost unbelievable height of $79,000. Meanwhile, the S&P 500 stands in indifferent repose and the vaunted gold futures—those erstwhile icons of necromantic safety—are languishing about 1.5% below their expected valor, as if jesting at their own inadequacy. 🤷‍♂️

Like, on April 7th they were all “We’re totally investing in this cool ag-tech thing” which is basically making farming as high-tech as my iPhone, but probably with fewer selfies 📱 And here I thought agriculture was just about knowing which end of the cow goes “moo.”