Cryptonews

According to Coinbase’s announcement, they’ve made some, let’s say, *technical* improvements to their Solana setup. For those who like numbers (which may or may not include you), here’s the fun bit: they’ve increased block processing throughput by five times. Yes, five! It’s like giving a cheetah a Red Bull. 🐆💥 And if that wasn’t enough, they’ve introduced bare metal machines that improve RPC (Remote Procedure Call) performance by four times. We’re talking supercharged servers here.

Bloomberg spilled the beans that with this shiny new badge, Hidden Road can now strut its stuff for the big kids—prime brokerage, clearing, financing—you name it! Fixed-income assets? Oh yeah, they’re in the money-making game now, like a Hollywood agent but for bonds and stuff.

Some bloke on X (formerly Twitter, because who needs a good name anyway?) called Zero Ika (catchy, I’ll give him that) reckons he’s spotted some signs that things are about to get even more grim. Apparently, the current “stable” price – hovering between $83,000 and $85,000 – is all a big fat lie. A facade! Like a Potemkin village, but with more complicated spreadsheets.

Just as the bewildered investor was about to believe in a comeback, along came a brisk $169.87 million exodus, as if the market had suddenly recalled all of its regrets with impeccable timing. That fleeting two-day flirtation with optimism now lies dashed, a grim reminder that fortunes here are as stable as a soufflé in a gale.

These two geniuses are launching a tokenized portfolio of commercial and multifamily properties all over the good ol’ U.S. of A. How, you ask? Simple. They’re using Blocksquare’s magic blockchain infrastructure. Don’t worry, you don’t have to understand it. Just know that it’s going to change the way we own real estate—without buying the whole building! 🏢💰

By Edris Derakhshi

Instead, it turns out that gold, the ancient shiny rock that’s been around forever, is back in style. In fact, gold’s exchange-traded funds (ETFs) are seeing steady, almost excessive, inflows—like a high school prom king soaking up all the attention. Meanwhile, Bitcoin ETFs are seeing outflows like a water slide with no brakes. Talk about a popularity crisis.

As the market danced around like a wobbly jelly, investors were all ears for trade talks, but alas! The Dow Jones Industrial Average decided to play a game of hide-and-seek, opening lower and then plummeting like a lead balloon, losing a whopping 500 points! All thanks to UnitedHealth, which took a nosedive faster than a cat off a hot tin roof! 🐱💨

Behold, five reasons why the farting specter outpaces all others in the cryptic carnival of coins.