Ceaselessly besieged by crypto enthusiasts—those noble pied pipers of digital gold—the SNB, led by the grand Martin Schlegel, waved away such fanciful ideas like a maître d’ dismissing an ill-dressed guest. “Bitcoin,” quoth he, “is but a wild stallion, too restless, too shifty for our stately public coffers.”
Cowen, who’s got a whopping 894,000 YouTube subscribers (oh, how nice), is doing what he does best—telling it like it is. He says, based on this thing called the social risk metric (don’t ask me what that is), altcoins are probably going to keep getting crushed while Bitcoin just sits there, sipping its coffee, acting like the king of the crypto world.
So, these guys played recruiter. “Hey, wanna apply for a crypto developer job?” they said. And here’s the genius move: they made applicants download some “error-fixing” software for recording an intro video. You try that in a real interview and the HR department laughs you out the door. But nope, these suckers downloaded malware instead, handing over their wallet keys like it was Halloween candy.
On April 25, the 11 spot Bitcoin (BTC) ETFs saw a solid $380 million in inflows, pushing the total for the week to an impressive $3.06 billion over five consecutive inflow days, according to Farside data. The last time spot Bitcoin ETFs had such a full week of inflow days? March 21. A lifetime ago, really.
“This ain’t me jumping ship,” Mallers wrote stiffly in a letter to the faithful on April 25. “It’s me adding another oar to the boat.”
Amidst the sprawling canvas of regulatory decree and juridical whimsy, Coinbase (Nasdaq: COIN) brandishes its banner on the digital battleground known as platform X. It announces, almost as one would proclaim from a prison cell window, that the promise of crypto staking rewards—those elusive fruits of decentralized labor—is being cruelly withheld from citizens of four wary states.
“We might hawk an eclectic medley of these securities in one or several flamboyant offerings, priced and defined in the mysterious hours before the curtain rises, aggregating up to an extravagant $1,000,000,000,” quoth the filing, with neither modesty nor restraint.
Bitcoin just flirted with $95,000 like a cat with a fish, making the $100,000 party look less like a dream and more like a rowdy reunion.
The blockchain’s cold ledger reveals a river of riches flowing outward—over $869 million slipping through grasping fingers in but seven days—while a mere trickle of $96 million flowed inward. It was during this carnival of exits that the great showman announced a banquet for the “top 220” holders, a tantalizing ticket to blend with the potentates in Washington’s dance halls. Yet the crowd fled rather than flocked. 🤡
Brazil, eager as a kid with a new kite, had already paved the dusty trail last year with its approval of a Solana ETF. Now, this little XRPH11 might just have eyes set on stirring the US market’s sleepy regulators awake—though trading numbers play coy and hide like shy coyotes under moonlight.
