Cryptonews

Rumor has it that Trump is ready to fire Jerome Powell and hire Kevin Warsh. Why? Because Powell has apparently failed to lower interest rates in the way Trump wants. It’s kind of like when you get a disappointing pizza delivery, and you blame the delivery guy. But I digress. According to the Wall Street Journal, Trump’s about to make the big move — and Warsh, who’s been known to say some nice things about crypto in the past, is on the shortlist. 🤔

Now, brace yourself, for since this bold move, the company’s stock has risen by nearly 2,500%. Yes, you read that right—two thousand five hundred percent. Meanwhile, Nvidia (NVDA), which apparently became the crown jewel of the AI boom, has managed a paltry 808%. Oh, the tragedy of only 808%! A truly hard life. Let’s not forget, Bitcoin itself surged by 614% after Strategy (formerly MicroStrategy) decided to make it the corporate treasure. And Tesla, that electric car giant, also managed a humble 155%. A real underdog story, isn’t it?

Slovenia is strapping itself in for a legislative rollercoaster, one that includes a hefty 25% capital gains tax on the sweet, sweet profits made from crypto. The new law, still in draft form, is aimed at bringing some order to the chaotic world of digital assets. The Finance Ministry hopes to unveil this new framework come January 2026, but don’t get too comfortable, as it’s going to affect everything from crypto-to-fiat transactions to purchases made with your hard-earned Bitcoin. Oh joy.

In a world cluttered with liquid staking tokens as numerous and inscrutable as shadows in a Siberian gulag, the Binance czar dares whisper: unite them all—condense the many-headed hydra into a single streamlined beast.

These here 40 million tokens amount to a full 20% boost in the tokens floatin’ around, all tucked away in wallets belonging to the team and that Trump-affiliated outfit called CIC DIGITAL.

Leading the parade of doom is Joel Ferreira de Souza, the so-called mastermind behind this crypto pyramid, who was hit with a whopping 128 years, 5 months, and 28 days in the slammer. And why? Well, because he thought it’d be a good idea to set up illegal financial operations with shell companies and informal crypto transactions. I guess his idea of ‘high returns’ was a bit… *too* high. 🚀💸

Ethereum gets called out “again”

Yet, lo and behold, Ethereum, that once-celebrated second-largest crypto, now finds itself as popular as a forgotten sock in the laundry of institutional investors. What a twist of fate! 🧦

By virtue of SB 1373, the state treasurer is granted the liberty to retain confiscated cryptocurrencies within the secure confines of a duly qualified custody scheme or perchance a state-registered exchange-traded product. Oh, and there’s the delightful notion that this treasurer might lend out these digital curiosities in hopes of generating yield — as one might lend a rare novel to a dear friend, but with promises of pecuniary returns. 🎩

On Good Friday, Bitcoin was trading at a modest $84,555. Up 13% from its annual low, which somehow translates to a market cap north of $1.68 trillion. Basically, enough to buy… well, a lot of Lambos. Despite a 10% loss for 2025, Bitcoin’s holding its own better than the Nasdaq 100 index, which slipped 13%. So, it’s the financial equivalent of that kid who got a B+ while everyone else flunked.