Cryptonews

The report emphasizes that Pyongyang not only excels at theft but also possesses sophisticated methods for liquidating the illicit gains. 🕵️‍♂️💰

Chris Larsen, the Ripple co-founder, has siphoned $764 million from XRP since 2018-a gilded cage of cryptocurrency, if ever there was one. 🕵️‍♂️

Led by the illustrious Telecom Liechtenstein, with a coterie of launch partners including Bank Frick, Bitcoin Suisse, Solstice, and Zilliqa, this majority-state-owned initiative is the epitome of public-private romance. 🌹 Early suitors such as Inacta Group, LUKSO Foundation, QPQ, and Swiss Subnet have already pledged their troth, ensuring a grand ball of blockchain bliss. 💍

“I’m proud to announce…” wrote Francis Zhou, Quantum’s founder, on X, as if this weren’t the most unhinged business strategy since someone decided to sell “diamond hands” as a service. His company now boasts 3,865.84 ETH, valued at $14.8 million, which is either genius or a cry for help. 🤷

Institutional investors poured $619M into Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs, showing renewed confidence in crypto despite broader market volatility. A curious spectacle, really-like watching a troupe of penguins march into an ice cream shop during a heatwave.

Turns out, some very dedicated hackers took one look at my Ethereum and Unichain smart contracts, spotted a teensy flaw in the Liquidity Distribution Function (fancy, right?), and went full Netflix villain. They exploited flash loans and rounding errors-because nothing says “I hate decimal places” like stealing millions. It’s like someone walked into a bank, asked for $10, then left with $10 million because the calculator rounded up. 😑

With a flourish that would impress a Broadway producer, the Bunni brigade announced in a Thursday tweet and scrawl that due to a non-existent stash of funds, they’ll be calling it quits. “Relaunching Bunni requires a king’s ransom in audits and eagle-eyed security monitors – figures that, regrettably, do not grace our bank account.” Not.

Bitcoin ETFs said “see ya!” to $101.3 million on October 22, after a $477 million “hello” the day before. Trading volume? Down to $6.58 billion from $7.4 billion. Looks like the dance floor’s clearing. 💃🚪 According to SoSoValue, investors are doing the withdrawal waltz. 🕺💸

WazirX, once India’s largest cryptocurrency exchange by volume, will resume operations on October 24, per an email sent to creditors. 📧💥

Meanwhile, the Federal Reserve, that venerable arbiter of Stone Age wisdom, has apparently misplaced access to crucial private employment data from ADP, which covers a hearty 20% of private workers. Reporting from the esteemed WSJ and Kobeissi Letter suggests that the Fed is feeling quite dovish-possibly more than usual-urging rate cuts while the government’s shutdown drags on, like a bad soap opera.