Cryptonews

Digital payments aren’t the future — they’re the default.

We’re making sure anyone, anywhere can plug in 🔗

Since the discomfiting declarations of President Trump concerning reciprocal import tariffs on April 2, the financial markets have resembled a rather wild ball, with record-breaking sell-offs in the traditional spheres and Bitcoin taking a genteel dip beneath the illustrious sum of $75,000. 🙄

As China scrambles to protect its beloved yuan from being battered into oblivion by the relentless wave of tariffs, there’s an odd side effect: Bitcoin is gaining attention faster than a cat in a room full of laser pointers. On April 9th, the People’s Bank of China—clearly not a fan of currency instability—told major Chinese banks to dial back on their U.S. dollar purchases. Apparently, the idea is to support the yuan’s pitiful attempts to remain afloat. Talk about a ‘do or die’ moment!

In my long observations of human nature, I’ve never witnessed such a fascinating phenomenon – grown men and women, trembling with anticipation as they unwrap these boxes, their faces betraying that peculiar mixture of hope and fear that so characterizes our species. How amusing! 😄

So, here’s the scoop: if you’ve got some of that good ol’ USDT lying around, you can swap it out for LDUSDT on their Simple Earn Flexible Product. This means you can trade futures while feeling all warm and fuzzy knowing that you might actually earn a bit more than just bragging rights!

Indeed, this whimsical scenario is not a figment of a fevered imagination but a glimpse into a future where human therapists might find themselves charging less than a cup of coffee for their services. Why? Because, as a recent study in the esteemed New England Journal of Medicine reveals, AI bots, when properly trained, can rival or even surpass their human counterparts in the realm of mental health. Who knew that a chatbot could be the new Freud?

Picture this: It’s Monday evening, the monkeys are clapping, and the DOJ tells its staff that the NCET—the squad that was supposed to keep the crypto wild west in check—is disbanded “effective immediately.” A snazzy four-page memo (yes, memo-length drama) revealed that the previous administration’s overzealous crypto crackdown was about as welcome as a clown at a board meeting. 🤡

Earlier this year, the illustrious Grayscale, a titan among digital asset managers, decided to embrace Cardano (ADA) with open arms, adding it to its Smart Contract Fund. This fund, a veritable treasure chest for accredited investors, offers a taste of a diversified portfolio of cryptocurrencies, all linked to the grand tapestry of smart contracts. How delightful!

In the bitter twilight of modern finance, as if fate herself were playing a cruel joke, the mysterious crypto market staggers beneath the weight of an unrelenting tariff war. Today, Ethereum, once a proud citizen of the digital realm, has plummeted below the sacred threshold of $1,400—a descent reminiscent of the fall of tyrants in forgotten histories. 😏

In a bold move that screams, “We mean business!” Thailand is stepping up its game against cybercrime. The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) just dropped a press release on April 8 that’s more exciting than a cat video on the internet. They’re ready to block foreign crypto exchanges that think they can just waltz in and target Thai investors. Sorry, not today! 🚫💸