Cryptonews

In a cozy Washington D.C. get-together on April 11, a bunch of policymakers, regulators, and very important people in nice suits (some wearing suspiciously trendy sneakers) gathered for the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission’s Crypto Task Force second roundtable. They called it “Between a Block and a Hard Place: Tailoring Regulation for Crypto Trading” (which sounds more like a detective novel than a policy session). This illustrious crypto task force is led by the ever-cheerful Commissioner Hester Peirce. 🙃

According to a new thread on X, formerly known as Twitter (because who needs consistency?), the Helium team is bragging that the SEC gave up on accusing them of, get this, violating securities laws. Securities laws! As if anyone in crypto even knows what those are. 🙄

Standard Chartered, in a burst of what can only be described as either profound insight or utter madness, has officially initiated coverage on XRP. Yes, you heard correctly. They are forecasting a mega rally for this crypto bauble, driven, they claim, by its pivotal role in global payments and tokenization. Geoffrey Kendrick, a name as mellifluous as a forgotten sonnet, the bank’s global head of digital assets research, projected, with the certainty of a fortune teller reading tea leaves, that XRP could surge, like a startled cat, around 500% to reach $12.50 by the close of 2028. A veritable financial fairytale! 🧚‍♂️ As part of this grand pronouncement, Kendrick also anticipates, with a flourish, that XRP’s market capitalization will surpass that of Ethereum within the same timeframe. He stated, with the gravitas of a judge sentencing a particularly annoying fly:

Ah, the Nightfall platform! A layer-2 darling that’s been twirling atop the Ethereum blockchain like a young debutante at her first ball. By shaking hands off-chain, it reduces the Ethereum mainnet’s workload while charming all involved with swift and economical transactions. Transparency, meet confidentiality, and let the dance begin!

Esteemed chart conductor Doji proclaims that our little token exhibits the unmistakable footprints of accumulation. Like a moth drawn to light, price gravitation skulks near the hallowed Point of Control (POC) at $2.40, where volumes once frolicked en masse. Couple that with a venerable descending resistance line, and “voilà”—we have a potent recipe for dramatic price leaps. A final flourish above that line? A cameo for trend reversal, oh my! 🤭

In his April 9 Liberty Report broadcast, free market advocate and former Congressman Ron Paul, a man who has probably seen more economic cycles than a washing machine, warned that escalating tariff tensions between the United States and China are symptomatic of deeper economic and geopolitical problems. Problems that could lead to prolonged global instability. You know, the kind where you can’t even get a decent cup of tea. ☕

Even though the rest of the market is sulking in its usual gloomy mood, our dear TRUMP token seems to be finding its feet again. Analysts (the so-called fortune-tellers of this bizarre realm) are watching it like a tired soap opera, waiting for the next twist as more tokens shimmy their way into circulation.

Glassnode, those blockchain gurus, chirped on X (formerly Twitter, but let’s not get bogged down in rebranding, shall we?) that Ethereum is doing the limbo between $1,548 and $1,599. Apparently, this is all thanks to something called “cost basis distribution” or CBD, which sounds like a trendy new wellness product but is actually just where everyone bought their ETH. 🧘‍♀️

This Hoffman, a cofounder of Bankless, suggests that Ethereum’s price might improve if the network were to undergo a shift in culture and leadership. He suggests, through a missive on the platform X, that the critics of Ethereum are missing the true reason for its recent performance. Could it be that these critics are merely shadows dancing on the wall of a deeper problem? 🤔

Lower collateral ratios mean you can’t borrow as much money against your crypto stash. Translation: your margin buying power just got a downgrade, and if you’re overexposed, you might as well start drafting your “I got liquidated” tweet now. 💸