Cryptonews

The drama unfolds at an annual event, where the illustrious Grant Vingoe, the glorious CEO of the Ontario Securities Commission, put it plainly: Canada is now a land swimming in scams, insider trading, and corruption. Welcome to the modern age, where “anything goes” and the rules of old are merely suggestions! In a statement that almost feels like a soap opera, Vingoe proclaimed that the political chaos of our time has created a breeding ground for all sorts of shady characters to flourish. 🕵️‍♂️👀

Eric Balchunas, that sharp-eyed Bloomberg scout, took to X and pointed out something curious: leveraged long ETFs riding alongside the safe harbors of gold and cash. So, you ask, is Bitcoin a risk-on daredevil or a risk-off teddy bear? Well, partner, it all depends on the stories folks choose to tell themselves—digital gold or a rollercoaster ride in cowboy boots?

Since the fateful 10th of February, when our beloved $BTC first buckled beneath the weight of its lofty $109,000 crown, an unremitting tide of outflows had been seen more often than the hopeful inflows. On the notorious 25th of February, the day when a staggering outflow akin to a tempest—a whopping $1 billion in BTC—was recorded, the spectacle reached its zenith of absurdity.

The mysterious data oracle known as NFTScan proclaims that for a full month, OpenSea has hoarded over 40% of this cryptic treasure trove’s trading volume. Blur, that scrappy rival with delusions of grandeur, limps behind at 23%, while Magic Eden and OKX NFTs sip modest cups of 7.69% and 5% respectively, as if at some digital tea party.

This bullish price projection is 60% juicier than their prediction from January 2024, translating into a dizzying 72% compound annual growth rate (CAGR). That’s analyst-speak for “your money will grow faster than your houseplants, hopefully.” In the more modest “base case,” bitcoin still struts to a million-plus dollar price tag, and even the bear case (don’t look now) promises half a million dollars—a figure that might buy you a house in a less stupid market than this one.

In case you missed it, Arbitrum, the L2 network that’s been riding the struggle bus after an 85% price nosedive, figured rebranding as the “cool AI kid” might help. Turns out, the cool kids’ table was already full.

After a multi-day rally where BTC managed to strut its stuff and gain nearly 10%, people are wondering if this is just a quick “hey, look at me!” moment or if it’s the start of something more… like a serious market move. Suspense, anyone?

The virtual jailer’s proclamation on the 24th of April echoed like a sentence delivered from an indifferent universe: “This content has been restricted. Using Cloudflare’s basic service in this manner is a violation of the Terms of Service. Please visit cfl.re/tos to learn more.” Such poetic justice—where art is the guilty party and the law is absolute.

Michael Saylor, the mensch of Bitcoin prophecy, solemnly declared that Bitcoin is no longer just digital pocket cash for internet weirdos but is evolving into the corporate treasury’s idea of a dream date. Forget holding onto cash like it’s a golden ticket because, spoiler alert, cash is basically a soggy sandwich left too long in a rainstorm. Inflation and fiat currency are having their own horror show, and Bitcoin, with its built-in scarcity and worldwide liquidity, is the shiny, future-proof umbrella everyone suddenly wants.

The token peaked at a two-month high of 92 cents on Friday. That’s right—92 cents, enough to make you believe in miracles—and it gained more than 21% in the past 24 hours alone, becoming the *day’s* biggest advancer. Data courtesy of CoinDesk, because of course we need a source to back up all the excitement.