Cryptonews

They made this big reveal through an “attestation report” – whatever that means – and let’s just say, it’s the first time they’ve ever done it for their precious XAUT token. Apparently, for every single XAUT token out there, there’s an actual, real, physical ounce of gold sitting pretty in some vault in Switzerland. So, no big deal, just over 246,523 ounces of gold at this point. We’re talking more than 7.7 tons. They’re practically swimming in it. 🏊‍♂️

Amidst the cacophony of traders’ hopes and the ticking clocks of Wall Street’s ceremonies, the news arrived like the herald of spring: ProShares’ XRP futures ETFs, set to debut with the April 30 sun. XRP, in a rare moment of grace, ascended to $2.32—a gain of 6.72% within the span of a day—as if sensing the eyes upon it. The 20-day Exponential Moving Average stood as a stoic guardian at $2.15, offering its humble support to the restless price.

Enter Clara Tsao — basically the internet’s digital bouncer with a superhero cape. She’s been battling AI misinformation like a pro, juggling roles all over the place: CTO fighting homegrown extremism (think cyber ninja-level stuff), co-founding the Trust & Safety Professional Association, and even moonlighting as the President of the White House Presidential Innovation Fellows. Oh, and senior advising for Tech Against Terrorism because why not save the world before breakfast?

One must note, not without a sip of ironic tea, that while the old kingdom lounges in its aristocratic slumber, waiting for proper wakefulness, Coinbase dares to rouse the land from its crypto stupor. Imagine the Brits nursing cups and debating—“Crypto? AI? Let’s see if it’s more than fog and foghorns.” And yet here we are, peering into the dim with cautious hope and a dash of bemused skepticism.

At the close of this electoral soap opera, bettors give beloved Liberal demigod Mark Carney a 78% chance of snagging the Prime Minister gig, while the Conservative poetic Pierre Poilievre lingers at 22%, clutching his maple leaf prayer beads.

Since Trump’s encore performance in office, the US economy was chilling, cruising like a self-driving Tesla. Until — wham! Enter stage left: tariffs with dramatic flair. Torsten Slok, an economist who sounds way smarter than me at Apollo Global Management, said that if these tariffs stuck around at the spicy 145% level, we’re looking at a GDP nosedive of 4%. Translation: two quarters of economic bad vibes.

Season 2 is here, and guess what? They’ve tossed in some GameDev ciphers and combo cards. Oh, joy! More ways to complicate the thing that’s already an obsession. But, fine, I’ll admit, it adds strategy. I’m still convinced they’re just making it all up as they go along, but, whatever—more ways to waste time, right?

One Ali Martinez, the guru of charts, has spotted something almost too beautiful to be true: Solana is forming a “textbook” cup-and-handle pattern on its weekly chart, a shape so perfect it would make your geometry teacher cry tears of joy. This has been brewing since late 2021, so we’re all just patiently waiting for the kettle to boil, aren’t we?

This latest splurge means they now have a whopping 553,555 BTC lounging around their digital vault. At current prices, that’s north of $52 billion, which is basically enough to buy everyone in the world a small taco. 🌮

What followed this digital burglary was the sort of laundering operation that would put even the most fastidious laundrette owner to shame: the ill-gotten bitcoin was flung about six or more instant exchanges like a wild boomerang and metamorphosed into XMR $269.6, the privacy champion of the Monero realm—fickle as its 18% daily volatility might suggest. This cunning conversion sent the market cap bubbling to $4.95 billion, with a 24-hour turnover of $308.7 million.