Once upon a time — meaning, before this year — gold was trailing behind the S&P 500 by 10%. The S&P said, “Catch up!” Gold said, “Oy vey, my feet hurt!” But now? Uncertainty enters like a mother-in-law at your wedding, and BAM! Gold’s up 109% since 2020! The S&P 500 is still doing great—up 74%—but gold just swiped the lead like it was auditioning for a heist movie.
The whispers in the fintech alleyway suggest Robinhood’s matchmaking efforts will likely involve a digital-asset partner. Early front-runners include Arbitrum (ARB) and Solana (SOL), presumably because “Tokenization on Uncle Bob’s Spreadsheets” was already taken. Big suspense: discussions are ongoing, nothing signed yet, and everyone contacted gave the classic ‘no comment’—which I believe is financial industry speak for “Nobody told me the cameras were rolling.” 🎬
The platform’s still in the audition phase—Arbitrum, Ethereum, and Solana are all trying out. Picture “The Bachelor”, but with more ledgers and less crying (hopefully).
For weeks on end, SEI (SEI) languished, obediently sketching lower highs and lower lows, like a post-war romance doomed from the opening credits. Enter: a breakout, as sudden and dramatic as a matinee idol’s exit. At last, a higher high! Markets are whispering about reversals and bullish undertones, while even jaded traders risk a smirk of optimism. 🥂
The deal itself, a reverse merger—because finance must always work in mysterious ways—will leave the joint creature with Strive’s name emblazoned on the NASDAQ. Their hope? To pile up a mountain of Bitcoin, using strategies so novel and ingenious that even the most earnest shareholder might pause and wonder whether to laugh or weep. (Or both.)
“Stick a fork in SEC crypto-enforcement, it’s done,” he declared on social media, perhaps moments before dropping the mic and vanishing in a puff of regulatory smoke. 🎤💨
Apparently, Dogecoin (DOGE) has woken up after a power nap and pumped nearly 5% in 24 hours, with CoinGecko beaming at its $0.17 glow. Some analysts are positively foaming—sorry, forecasting—about a breakout.
The unputdownable volume in question, the Bitfinex Alpha report—dated May 5, 2025, a time when presumably the world will have resolved far grander issues—notes with unconcealed glee that Bitcoin gained a plump 14.08% for April. Even its own historical average returns peer over spectacles and mutter, “Steady on.” This, despite a display of volatility that would embarrass a Regency houseguest after five sherries: a 32% nosedive from the lofty $109,590 pinnacle to a rather undignified $74,501. The steepest correction, the report intones, of the “current cycle”—which, in less reputable circles, is simply referred to as a “very bad week.”
In the recent hours, Solana has experienced such wild price swings that one might think the network is having a nervous breakdown. After failing to stay above $150, an enormous wave of liquidations swept through the market. Coinglass reports that in the last 24 hours, over $7 million worth of Solana positions were wiped out. Of that, about $1.61 million came from those who were foolish enough to bet on rising prices (long positions), while the sellers closed around $5.42 million worth of positions. A truly spectacular show of financial carnage. 🤑