So resonates the elder Trump. From Mar-a-Lago to cable TV, he has started to sound less like a casino mogul, more like a cyber-pumpkin demanding we “make blockchain great again!” He wants crypto to win—and, with grand gestures, pit it against the distant, inscrutable dragon: China. After all, which is sturdier—the dollar, or a meme with laser eyes?
“GAME THEORY IGNITED! Tic Tok. We have one clean decision by NH, then reversal from Arizona Gov, next is Texas who hasn’t done anything Big since Big Oil and Gas!”
The official pageant walk announcement happened on May 7 via the governor’s website, because nothing says “crypto revolution” like a .gov press release. The bipartisan House Bill 2749 (yes, even in 2024, bipartisanship is still a thing in Arizona) updates the law about forgotten loot, expanding it to your digital piggy bank—think Bitcoin, not Beanie Babies (sorry millennials).
According to the all-knowing oracles at Bloomberg, Robinhood is dating a mysterious crypto finance firm to hatch a tokenization platform. Think of it: U.S. shares, but make it Euro-chic, with a side of instant digital gratification—no need to bother with time zones or, you know, actual Wall Street traders.
The law, House Bill 2749, allows the state to claim ownership of abandoned digital assets if the owner fails to respond to any correspondence within three years. Talk about a long game of “finders keepers.” Arizona’s custodians can now stake these mysterious digital assets to earn rewards or perhaps even receive random airdrops—because why not? Free money, right?
On the very loud and cranky social media platform, X, gold enthusiast Peter Schiff unleashed a tirade sharper than Willy Wonka’s wit after a bad batch of candy. He said, with the seriousness of a headmaster discovering fudge smuggling in his dormitory, that the U.S. dollar is about to plunge—possibly waving goodbye as it falls, cartoon-style. The main villain? America’s epic trade deficit and a central bank with the self-control of Augustus Gloop at a chocolate fountain.
His mystical chart—bless its little digital heart—tracks the TOTAL3/BTC critters (that’s all the altcoins minus the two big mules, BTC and ETH) throwin’ themselves down a hill since the spring of ‘22 like they’re chasin’ runaway biscuits. Evidently, support’s crop up near 0.32 and 0.25, which, back in previous bear markets, were about as reliable as a promise from a snake oil salesman.
Listen, if you’ve ever read Rich Dad Poor Dad—and judging by the way your uncle corners you at Thanksgiving, you probably have—you’ll know Kiyosaki is kind of the Nostradamus of personal finance, except the world’s not ending in fire, it’s ending in fake fiat. You could read his book in 50 different languages, which might help distract you while the markets implode.
This rather dramatic slowdown means fewer transactions are whizzing about, and daily active addresses have dwindled, giving the impression that even Satoshi himself might have misplaced his wallet. Ordinarily, this is the sort of thing seen in bear markets or after China so much as raises an eyebrow. Yet, is it a harbinger of doom? Not necessarily!
The price of bitcoin (BTC) made a bold leap of 2% after the U.S. Federal Reserve decided to keep its policy rate in the 4.25% – 4.5% range, citing worries over inflation that seem to be playing the part of the villain in this economic drama.
