So, what’s the big deal? Well, according to a very official-sounding announcement by the SEC on Thursday, Ripple Labs, CEO Brad Garlinghouse, and Executive Chairman Christian A. Larsen are all breathing a little easier these days. They’ve come to a “framework” agreement, which might just be the silver lining Ripple has been waiting for after years of legal battles. Who needs clarity anyway, right? 🤷♂️
“Altcoins are lagging behind the stablecoin marketcap! This gap is about to get filled—like Aunt Polina’s dumplings! Don’t get fooled here,” quoth Rover, determined not to let us snooze on our rubles.
Much like the long-anticipated arrival of the Bingley party in Meryton, HB 2749 received enthusiastic, bipartisan flutter. Its chief suitor, Rep. Jeff Weninger—the Mr. Darcy of the House Commerce Committee—declared with no small satisfaction that digital assets “are the present.” One might say, the man possesses as much sense as sensibility. Oh, forgive me, dear reader, wrong novel!
But lo, the plot thickens! The sumptuous sum comprises $200 million in equity—oui, shares for the well-heeled who wish to marry fortune—and a mere trifle of $100 million in convertible notes, for those who fancy a little transformation in life (or at least in their returns).
Fresh whispers, arch and excitable, surface courtesy of the oracles at Santiment: the twittering masses, lured by shiny new AI agents and that oh-so-mystical “altseason,” have tossed geopolitical anxiety aside like yesterday’s blockchain, and are rapt, eyes wide as Satoshi, on the next “revolution.”
If Judge Torres can see fit to lift the doggone injunction that’s clung to Ripple longer than a tick on a hound, both sides will lay down their law-books and wander off into the sunset. Appeals? Nah, they’re tossing those out like last week’s bait.
Also: enter Ginger Baker—the kind of name you’d expect from a glam-rock drummer, but here she is, parachuted in as Meta’s VP of product, presumably to keep Zuck’s crypto rollercoaster on the tracks and prevent further blockchain faceplants.
To put it bluntly—no one’s lighting fireworks expecting this pacaderm to take flight.
Altcoins, led by those beloved memecoins, have also put on quite the show, posting double-digit percentage gains. Ethereum (ETH), in particular, saw a fabulous 15 percent increase, dancing its way to $2,070 at the time of this writing. 💃
The tale twists on itself like a Dostoevskian soul wracked by doubt: Bond’s lawyers, armed with 487 pages of legalese and a fervor worthy of any desperate petitioner in a Petersburg tavern, reiterate—no, blare forth—the same claims her husband flatly pressed. She says the prosecutors wove a bargain whispered in shadows, promising, “We’ll spare poor Michelle, but don’t write it down—what are we, amateurs?” So much for trust in written agreements: in this tale, parchment is but a suggestion and evidence is as slippery as an eel in a shallow pond.
