Following whispers and scandalous reports, it appears that Abu Dhabi’s MGX intends to employ a USD1 stablecoin—issued by none other than the Trump-linked World Liberty Financial—to fund its investment in the top crypto exchange. One must marvel at the audacity!
The market minds have spoken: SOL’s ready for a big breakout in the next trading session. Can it pull it off, or will it trip over its own blockchain shoelaces?
The bean counters down at Farside Investors claimed spot Bitcoin (BTC) ETFs raked in a whopping $142.3 million on May 7—more money than you’d find at the bottom of a prospector’s dream. Obchakevich, who’s as much a researcher as he is a man with a mouthful of vowels for a last name, called it “sustained institutional interest.” Well, Alex, that’s about as surprising as cucumbers in a garden patch with all those hedge funds and asset managers trundling into the market, buying up regulated paper promises like they’re stocking a tornado shelter.
With the zeal of a commissar clutching ration cards, Bitcoin slipped beyond this arbitrary barricade, momentum lumbering forth with the inevitability of a prison roll call. The buyers, emboldened, glanced nervously at one another. Had anyone told them the last time they’d witness such heights, their laughter might well have earned them three years in the camps, but here we are.
As of May 2025, Unichain now commands an astonishing 75% of Uniswap v4’s market share, whilst poor Ethereum, once the indisputable leader, has fallen below 20%. How the mighty have fallen! 😲 According to DeFillama, this shift is quite the spectacle indeed.
At this most debonair hour, the CoinDesk 20 pirouettes at a princely 3138.72—up 6.0%, or 178.07, since the last bell tolled at 4 p.m. ET on Thursday. If only my stocks performed with such enthusiasm when I languish at afternoon tea.
According to the ever-so-eloquent analyst Ali Martinez, there’s been a rather spectacular spike in Chainlink’s Exchange Outflow. Now, if you’re thinking “Exchange Outflow? What in the world is that?”, let me break it down for you. It’s an on-chain metric that measures how much Chainlink is being withdrawn from centralized exchanges. The logic? When investors are yanking their LINK out of the exchange, they’re not just trying to hide it in their digital basement—they’re holding on to it, probably expecting the price to go up. Spoiler: it usually does.
Meanwhile, our beloved blockchain busybodies at Whale Alert sounded the alarms as a not-at-all-suspicious sum of 7.14 trillion PEPE (that’s $78.8 million, or roughly the GDP of a small nation and the emotional value of my shoe collection) flopped between mysterious wallets faster than you can say “Kermit was right!”
With the expected pomp, Bitunix Exchange has tossed SXT onto its bustling spot and futures market as of May 8th—making it more accessible than borscht at a Sunday fair. The exchange, weighed down by seven hundred tokens (and not a single kilogram lighter!), delights in such additions. If you wished to trade SXT amongst digital coins more numerous than my Aunt Agafia’s superstitions, Bitunix is your soapy samovar.
Posted—as if nailed above the townsquare for all wild-eyed speculators to behold—CZ’s words catch fire and spread, clocking nearly 740,000 witnessings quicker than a bureaucrat can lose your tax returns. The market: a runaway horse, one minute it’s up, the next it’s trampling your modest hopes. But there is CZ, atop the chaos, shouting for the crowd to keep hands off those trembling ‘sell’ buttons, lest your coins escape into the night. 💸
