Cryptonews

They’ve launched this “Predictions” feature, you see. A rather grand name for something that essentially allows one to put a digital chip on the table and guess whether politicians will continue to disappoint (a remarkably safe bet, I assure you), or whether some athlete will perform a marginally more impressive feat than another. It all interfaces, with a certain slickness, with Myriad (on the ever-so-slightly pretentious BNB Chain), Polymarket (on Polygon – a name that sounds faintly agricultural), and Kalshi (singing the praises of Solana, of course). A self-custodial gambit, they claim, as if ownership somehow lends gravitas to one’s particularly questionable prognostications.

This dramatic leadership shuffle marks a pivotal juncture for the world’s largest crypto giant, as it desperately tries to patch up its tarnished image following years of regulatory grilling and a tasty lawsuit that reads like a thriller novel involving terrorism funding and criminal convictions. But fear not! Binance’s new co-helm, Yi He, is here to sprinkle some fairy dust-if only she could find some magic in the mess.

Sui jumps a glorious 30%, Pudgy Penguins (yes, you read that right) soar by 26%, and Hyperliquid decides to float up about 10%. Can you feel the buzz? 🐧✨

Having gracefully risen above $135, our dear Solana has managed to snag itself from recent depths and evade a rather ungainly bearish trend line on the hourly chart, according to technical analysis. Bravo!

Spot ETFs? More like Spot EekFs, because they’re seeing outflows that would make a fire sale look organized. And treasury activity (DATs)? Slower than a sloth on a Sunday. 🐌 Despite the macro environment being more favorable than a spa day with unlimited mimosas, you’re acting like the world’s most dramatic teenager. 🥂🙄

Who would have thought? The pioneering crypto star, Bitcoin, hit above $93,000, doling out a crisp $200 billion glowy added market cap in less than a day and a half. It began during the American work caffeine kicks starting on Tuesday. This was Bitcoin’s delightful spurt since May 2021 – oh, children, where have the years gone? And let us not forget the zenith of leveraged short liquidations, indeed!

In a consent statement filed with the SEC-so très official, darling-CZ and his cohorts are urging BNC shareholders to support proposals that would overhaul the company’s governance. How utterly daring! 🗳️💼

Vanguard is offering access to an HBAR ETF that delivers simple Hedera exposure through regulated channels. Although Canary Capital initiated the product, it’s now on the list of products Vanguard offers on its platform. This shift provides an accessible route for global investors to Hedera without the need for crypto exchanges. Moreover, it represents an increasing level of interest by traditional market participants in regulated digital-asset instruments. 🤯

In their missive, ABIB asserts that the article portrays Bitcoin (BTC) as a fickle companion, prone to wild fluctuations and consorting with criminals, while utterly disregarding its virtues in energizing grids and aiding humanitarian causes. 🌍💡

Trump, with the subtlety of a toddler in a toy store, greeted Hassett as a “potential Fed chair,” leaving the markets to scramble like cats chasing a laser pointer. “It’s a great group, and I guess a potential Fed chair is here too,” he said, possibly with a mischievous grin under that ever-present squint. “I don’t know, are we allowed to say that, potential? He’s a respected person, that I can tell you. Thank you, Kevin.” Because nothing says “decisive leadership” like hedging your bets with a side of “maybe, maybe not.”