Cryptonews

Their proclamation, wrapped in pomp and the vapor of hope, declares that this “fully managed solution” will propel businesses and governments into the future-a future where they dance on the blockchain without even touching the cursed crypto. Ah, how noble! How utopian! Yet behind the veil of sophistication lies a simple truth-these men sell ease as salvation while hiding the labyrinthine hardships of control, compliance, and the ghostly specter of unseen fees. 🔮

Spetz (SPTZ), aka SonicStrategy, is rolling in $40 million from Sonic Labs. It’s like Monopoly money, but real… mostly. 🤑

Ah, the age-old tale of humanity’s insatiable quest for progress-or at least for slightly better returns on investment. Enter Yunfeng Financial Group, a firm with ties to none other than Jack Ma, the man who turned Alibaba into a global giant while probably sipping tea and contemplating life’s deeper mysteries. Now, they’ve decided to dip their toes into the swirling, chaotic ocean of ether (ETH). And why not? After all, if you can’t beat the crypto enthusiasts, join them-preferably with $44 million in hand. 💼✨

Earlier, heavy selling pushed the token toward $840, where it found a support level like a crypto version of a safety net. CoinDesk Research’s technical analysis model says buyers swooped in to save the day-cue the confetti. 🎉 But let’s not get too excited; crypto’s emotional support tokens are all over the place.

Hold on to your hats! BTC has soared between a jaw-dropping 145% and a mind-boggling 304% in just a year post-gold peaks! 🎩💸

According to a Tuesday proclamation, BitMine boasts 1,866,974 Ether-nearly 1.55% of the entire ETH supply, 192 Bitcoin, and a cool $635 million in cash. This totals a staggering $8.98 billion in assets! 🧙‍♂️💰

This move is a bold, shiny step forward for Gemini, aiming to expand its dominion in the wildly competitive cryptocurrency exchange universe. If it all sounds a bit like a scene from a soap opera, well – you’re not wrong. Stay tuned, because in the world of crypto IPOs, the drama never ends!

Dogecoin, that noble steed of memes and moonshots, stumbled from its lofty perch of $0.221 on the 31st, now galloping downward at a trot. At the hour of this writing, it trades at $0.21, a mere shadow of its former self, as if the September winds had blown out its candle. The bullish traders, those deluded romantics who fancied a rally, now find themselves in a most unflattering position: liquidated, humiliated, and likely nursing a cup of bitter regret. 🐕📉

The more enterprising traders, who presumably enjoy a spot of melodrama for breakfast, predict that Ethereum might feign a tragic tumble, send a shiver through the faint-hearted holders, and then gallop upward just before year-end like a thoroughbred sent off at long odds. Johnny Woo, who appears to spend his days analyzing rather than actually wooing, calls it a “setup that could spook everyone before flipping into one of the biggest traps ever.” In his mind’s eye, a descent to $3,300-$3,400 is merely the hors d’oeuvre before fresh all-time-high souffle is served.

The Internet Computer Protocol, or ICP as the fashionable call it, displayed a resilience that would make even the most stoic dandy blush-rising a modest yet satisfying 2.8 percent while the broader CoinDesk 20 index tried its best with a paltry 1.9 percent.