Imagine an event as eagerly awaited as the arrival of the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything – now multiply that by a hyperactive throng of crypto enthusiasts in 2025. Eligible space travelers had their profiles snapped on March 31, 2025, at the uncanny 23:59 UTC, while the exact moment of cosmic distribution remains wrapped in the kind of mystery typically reserved for improbable hitchhikers in a towel.
Let’s break it down, shall we? On Friday, ARK snapped up 83,157 shares. Monday? 84,514. Tuesday? A modest 31,730. It’s like they’re playing a high-stakes game of Monopoly, except instead of Park Place, they’re buying a crypto exchange that’s been on a bit of a rollercoaster lately. 🎢
In a delightful tête-à-tête with CNBC, our dear Gundlach predicts the S&P 500 will take a nosedive of about 14%. How charming! It’s as if he’s suggesting we all hold our breath and brace for impact. 🥴
Adding to the drama, Solana’s DEX volumes took a nosedive, plummeting by 50% in March to $97 billion from $193 billion in February. It’s as if the decentralized exchanges decided to take a long, contemplative walk in the snow. ❄️
According to Arkham Intelligence, the wallet moved over 5,471 ETH for approximately $8 million. That’s right, they sold it at an average price of $1,465, which is basically like selling a Lamborghini for the price of a used scooter. 🛵💔
This isn’t just any malware campaign—it’s a masterclass in deception. The attackers have set up a fake project on SourceForge called “officepackage,” which, let’s be honest, sounds about as exciting as a PowerPoint presentation on tax law. But don’t be fooled! This project is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, designed to look like Microsoft Office add-ins copied from GitHub. The real kicker? Its auto-generated subdomain, “officepackage.sourceforge.io,” which search engines like Russia’s Yandex happily picked up. Users who visited the page were greeted with a fake list of office apps and download buttons that, surprise, started the malware infection. 🎁
With an impressive following of 149,200 souls on the peculiar platform known as X (once Twitter, but alas, identities shift more often than the market itself), our esteemed analyst prognosticates with all the certainty of a borrowed umbrella during a British summer. According to his projections, one ought to prepare their champagne flutes for a potential spectacular rise akin to the bazaar-like conditions of Q4 2023 to Q1 2024, marking an exceptional rally of nearly 180%. Simply marvelous!
In a jaw-dropping video posted by Suchir’s mom, Poornima Rao, we see SFPD officers waltzing into the apartment like they’re at a dance party—sans gloves! 🕺💃 I mean, come on! Are they trying to collect evidence or just giving the furniture a good ol’ pat-down? The family is crying foul, claiming the cops might have turned the crime scene into a contamination zone! 🧪
In a recent chat, Matt Hougan couldn’t help but marvel at Bitcoin’s glow-up. Remember 2020, when the crypto world was in shambles, and Bitcoin was practically begging for spare change below $5,000? Yeah, those days are long gone. Now, it’s strutting around like a Wall Street tycoon, thanks to its new BFFs: institutional investors. Hougan’s betting that once the market’s tantrum subsides, Bitcoin might just moonwalk its way to new highs. 🌕
This appointment, as firm as a handshake by the finance ministry and noted in Bloomberg on 7 April, tells a story of ambition: Pakistan is staking its claim in the vast, sometimes lawless, but undeniably exciting global crypto plain. It might be the dawn of a new era or just another twist on an old road.