What to know, dear reader, as the world tilts on its axis: A man with a penchant for red hats and red lines proposes to distribute “tariff dividends”-$2,000 per American-while the altcoin market simmers with the ambition of a thousand underdogs. Is this the dawn of a new financial epoch, or merely a circus act with crypto confetti? Let us ponder.
Bitcoin futures traders are acting like they’ve never seen a bear market-because they’ve all retired to the Bahamas. 🏖️
At the Token 2049 event in Singapore, Tether co-founder Reeve Collins said that he expects every fiat currency to become a stablecoin by 2030. “Even fiat currency will be a stablecoin. It’ll just be called dollars, euros, or yen,” Collins said. Oh, the audacity! Calling them dollars, yet they’re just digital ghosts of their former selves. 🤡
A 12% surge, you say? The stars align-whales, momentum, and the cryptic whispers of the charts all point to a spectacle. But beware, dear reader, for in this theater of numbers, nothing is quite as it seems. 🎭
Hold your horses! Avalanche Treasury Co. is merging with Mountain Lake Acquisition Corp. for an estimated $675 million (though, let’s be real, who can keep track of all these zeroes?). This dynamic duo is set to list on Nasdaq in Q1 2026 under the ticker symbol “AVAT.” And no, this isn’t some “flash in the pan” deal-after going public, AVAT plans to buy over $1 billion worth of AVAX tokens. Who says blockchain isn’t fun? 🤑
Brendan Eich, the CEO and co-founder (who you might remember from such hits as “inventing JavaScript”), framed this milestone as proof that the world is finally waking up to the idea of a “privacy-first web.” Because, let’s face it, who doesn’t love a browser that promises not to sell your soul to advertisers? Eich also mentioned that Brave will continue to prioritize privacy as it dives headfirst into the murky waters of artificial intelligence (AI). Because nothing says “privacy” like a browser that’s also trying to predict your every move. 🤖
BNB’s push above $1,100 has shifted attention to the BNB Chain’s native names, with investors rotating into protocols that collect fees and on-chain activity. 🧾
“All currency will be a stablecoin,” said Collins, while sipping his futuristic espresso, in a riveting interview at Token2049 in Singapore. “Even fiat currency will be a stablecoin. It’ll just be called dollars, euros, or yen,” he added, with all the enthusiasm of someone who had just discovered blockchain on a particularly boring Tuesday. (We get it, Reeve, really.)
On Monday, SWIFT revealed that it tapped Consensys and over 30 TradFi institutions to build infrastructure for a 24/7 real-time crypto payments system – but didn’t confirm which chain it would build on, despite widespread speculation that it would be Linea. The suspense was almost (but not quite) as dramatic as a vending machine that only dispenses opinions.
With October kicking off with such flair, some analysts are dusting off their crystal balls and predicting a year-end rally to $200,000. But, hold your horses! One analyst has swooped in with the joy-killer: mathematical improbabilities, time constraints, historical trends, and, you know, market dynamics. Fun-suckers, aren’t they?
