Cryptonews

Bitcoin, that haughty institution-driven darling, hath left poor memecoins in the dust, quite the snub to their retail-heavy affections. 💸

But before you go jumping on the bandwagon, let’s get the basics out of the way. The Genesis Stage 2 airdrop wrapped up on October 5, which means, yes, you missed it (sorry). But don’t worry, you can start claiming your rewards on October 10, and the token distribution kicks off October 14. The real kicker? No lock-up period. That’s right-instant access to your shiny new tokens, no waiting around like some kind of crypto peasant.

This bold new move means OnePay users will soon be able to buy, hold, and convert Bitcoin and Ether directly in-app. The app will soon stand proudly next to the likes of PayPal, Venmo, and Cash App, trying to take over the fintech world, one digital coin at a time. Being a part of Walmart, the world’s retail Goliath, OnePay’s ambitions are bigger than a Black Friday sale.

Ripple’s president reveals a trio of omens that have the power to unsettle the very furniture of finance, to transform the ledger from a sacred trust into a living, quivering thing. The room grows thin with anticipation, and a skeptical smile tugs at the mouth of those who have learned to read numbers like fate.

Pre-Consensus is now part of the eCash (XEC) upgrade, because apparently, “long-discussed” wasn’t dramatic enough. Amaury Séchet, the man who probably invented the word “blockchain” while sipping espresso, gave the lowdown at the Electronic Cash Conference in Barcelona. 🇪🇸

In the same hilarious interval, those prominent altcoin pretenders like Ethereum (ETH) and Solana (SOL) merely smirked with paltry gains of 12.90% and 13.24%, respectively, as if envious of Bitcoin’s vigorous jig. 🎃

New research (aka fancy math people) says your post-halving gains are shrinking faster than my patience for conference calls. 📉 Apparently, since your second halving, you’ve been delivering gains like a tired Uber driver-late and underwhelming. 🚗💨

And yet, here we are. The Tokyo-listed company has earned the title of the fourth-largest corporate Bitcoin holder globally, but that doesn’t seem to have inspired much investor confidence. The stock continues its steady downward slide. Investors, it appears, are playing a game of “will they, won’t they” with the shares, and the shares are losing.

Chancellor Rachel Reeves, alongside the illustrious Anthony Gutman of Goldman Sachs, shall grace a private roundtable this Monday. Their noble quest? To woo executives from tech and growth sectors, promising London as the ideal stage for their IPO debuts. A pitch so bold, it doth rival the greatest farces of our time! 🎭

Alongside the inevitable FUD (fear, uncertainty, and doubt, darling), the ASTER airdrop has left its community in a state of operatic despair. 🎭😱