Cryptonews

As the world collectively loses its mind over AI/HPC, Bitcoin miners are scrambling to rebrand like it’s 2000 and everyone’s a dot-com guru. CleanSpark (CLSK) threw its hat into the ring Monday, declaring war on its former self-Bitcoin mining-with a new identity crisis: “We’re now serious about data centers!”

Evernorth will spend its net proceeds on one thing and one thing only: acquiring XRP on the open market. This treasure hunt will create the largest institutional treasury ever dedicated to XRP. The remaining funds? Well, they’ll be used for “corporate purposes” and transaction costs, but let’s face it, we all know that the real treasure is the XRP. 💰

Bradley Duke, Managing Director and Head of Europe at Bitwise, spotlights this milestone in a recent tweet: “Big week this week for UK retail investors. From tomorrow morning, UK retail investors will be able to trade, once again, Crypto ETPs. In preparation for this, Bitwise has 4 ETPs ready.” The “direction of travel is clear for crypto,” Duke added. Oh, “once again”? Did they have a previous time where they could trade? Or is this just another “big week” that ends in tears? 🤡

Summary

Behold, the Pudgy Penguins are no longer content with the frigid climes of Web3. Igloo Inc., in a stroke of audacious whimsy, has partnered with Invariant to escort PENGU to the hallowed halls of Washington D.C. Yes, dear reader, our tuxedoed friends are now rubbing flippers with policymakers, a spectacle as surreal as it is strategic. This foray into the realm of the bureaucrat is said to lend PENGU an air of legitimacy, though one wonders if the penguins themselves are merely biding their time before demanding a senate seat. 🕴️🗳️

The esteemed CoinDesk 20 now sits at an impressive 3691.75, up by 5.4%, or in more dramatic terms-about 190.65 points-since everyone’s favorite coffee break at 4 p.m. ET on Friday. Just a casual stroll upwards-like your most optimistic nephew trying to impress the relatives during the holidays.

Cantonese Cat, ever the drama queen, claims the last cycle was an “anomaly” because Dogecoin just… poof-soared through the Superlchi cloud without so much as a “by your leave.” This time, though, it’s been back-testing the cloud like a disgruntled squirrel hoarding acorns. 🐿️

Cuomo pledged to make New York City the ‘world capital’ for crypto and DeFi. Because nothing says “leadership” like putting your faith in a system that’s 90% memes and 10% math. 📈

Coinbase, that big, shiny centralized cryptocurrency exchange (CEX) that thinks it’s too important to be forgotten, fell victim to an AWS data center hiccup. The issue? “Increased error rates and latencies” in the Northern Virginia region. Translation: everything went as smoothly as a shopping cart with a broken wheel.