Cryptonews

A Bloomberg report, as reliable as a morning coffee, informs us that Strategy’s latest quarterly earnings have blossomed into an unrealized gain of $14 billion. This, my friends, is the final flourish needed to meet the profitability criteria that had, until now, barred our hero from the stage. After all, who could resist a company that has managed to turn the trick of sustained profitability over the last four quarters? 🎩✨

August’s jobs report was like that one kid in class who always forgets their homework-utterly disappointing. It delivered the weakest payroll gains since 2021, leaving Wall Street scratching its head and crypto enthusiasts rubbing their hands with glee. 🤑💼

Per the oracles of Tradingview, the nine-day and 26-day moving averages are set to waltz into union at $2.82-a rendezvous that speaks of optimism! XRP, that most resilient of tokens, has weathered 2025’s trials with the poise of a debutante at a country ball. Should this golden cross materialize, the $3 mark may yet be reclaimed, much to the delight of hopeful investors. 🎉

In a recent X post (because where else would you announce digital doom?), Back revealed that between May and September 2025, inscribed JPEGs grew by 20%, reaching a staggering 105 million. That’s 7,000 BTC spent just to immortalize cat pictures and pixelated art on the blockchain. At $8 per JPEG, humanity is truly living its best life-or worst, depending on how you look at it.

According to the esteemed on-chain data service platform Soso Value, the US spot Ethereum ETF market saw a net outflow of $167.41 million on Thursday, causing the price of ETH to close at a modest $4,275. 📉

And to really make the most of this pro-crypto stance, you’ll need tools like Best Wallet and its native Best Wallet Token ($BEST) to navigate the modern crypto world. Think of it as your trusty six-shooter in the digital frontier. 🤙🔥

Ah, the grand theatre of cryptocurrency unfolds once more! Behold, dear reader, as Gemini-the brainchild of those ever-so-ambitious Winklevoss twins-decides to grace the European Union with its staking and perpetual futures offerings. Truly, a spectacle worthy of Tolstoy himself, though perhaps with fewer bearded peasants and more blockchain enthusiasts. 😅

The Core Team, in their grand soliloquy, proclaimeth that this new Version doth rest upon Stellar v23, yet tailored for Pi’s noble stage. ‘Tis to grant more power and tricks to the players, they vow. Among these, the embedding of Know-Your-Customer authorities-a move to keep Pi’s blockchain pure and verified, while allowing the crowd to judge its own. A distributed KYC, they call it, though one wonders if ’tis but a mask for old woes. 😷

Meanwhile, lesser lights do find themselves beset by adversity, painting a scene of mercantile turbulence most entertaining.

Apparently, a whopping 66% of all card transactions in the Eurozone are handled by non-European entities. 66%! That’s…a lot. And with that comes fees. And risks to monetary sovereignty. Which sounds awfully dramatic, doesn’t it? Like the Euro is a fragile porcelain doll that might shatter if someone uses an American credit card. Cipollone also mentioned these “stablecoins” coming out of the US – the “Genius Act,” they call it. Clever name. Just absolutely brimming with humility. It’s like a digital arms race, only with money. And the potential for things to go spectacularly wrong. 🤯