But wait! This might be the moment crypto bros start reciting affirmations in the mirror. Bearish saturation? Sounds like the point where you stop screaming “SELL!” and just start whispering. 🤫
So, what does this mean? Let’s break it down:
Robinhood Markets (Nasdaq: HOOD) served up its most impressive quarter yet, raking in $1.27 billion like it’s free Halloween candy. 🎃 According to their Q3 Report, net income jumped 271% to $556 million-proof that fintech’s new favorite “brokerage” is now a full-blown financial circus. 🐘
This week’s volatility, a grotesque pantomime of confidence, laid bare the meme token segment’s existential dread. Traders, those modern-day alchemists, watched as their dreams dissolved into 4.7% intraday chaos. What was once a $0.00000564 range became a purgatory of indecision.
Bitcoin (BTC) has taken a tiny tumble-just a feather’s weight, 0.15%, as if it’s shy about its downward move.
Turns out, their “monitoring system” was basically a sticky note that read “IDK, check later?” Over 12 months, 31% of Coinbase Europe’s transactions-$200 billion worth!-slipped through the cracks. Pro tip: If your system misses €176 billion, maybe upgrade from Excel. 💀
ADA, the steadfast sentinel of this realm, stands at $0.54, with a 24-hour volatility of 0.7%. Its market cap? A modest $19.67 billion, while its 24-hour volume hums at $1.08 billion. Numbers, numbers, always the numbers-yet they tell a tale as rich as a Bulgakov novel. 📈
Ethereum, the blockchain that once prided itself on being “slow and philosophical,” has suddenly become a speed demon. Or perhaps it’s just caffeine-addled? 🏃♂️☕
On the 5th of November, 2025, in Zurich, a city where clocks tick slower than a snail on a Sunday stroll, Future Holdings AG announced they’d raised enough cash to make a miser weep. $34.6 million (or CHF 28 million, for those who still use real money) from Fulgur Ventures, Nakamoto, and TOBAM-names that sound like they belong in a spy movie. Their grand plan? To build Europe’s premier Bitcoin Treasury Company. Because nothing says “trust” like a CEO named Sebastien Hess, a Chairman named Richard Byworth (because “Byworth” sounds like it should be a brand of socks), and Adam Back, who’s probably back in Bitcoin land doing wizard stuff.
