Jimmy Carr’s Bitcoin Revolution: UK’s Night-Time Power to the People! 🚀

On the fateful day of the budget, Carr, in a TRIGGERnometry interview, unleashed his barbs upon the sacred cows of public finance. Why, he demanded, has the UK never established a sovereign wealth fund? Why do the winds that sweep the coast and the black gold beneath the soil enrich only the Crown? 🏰💰 “There are certain things,” he declared, with a wink and a nod, “that should belong to everyone.” A sentiment so radical, it might as well have been carved into the heart of a socialist manifesto-though Carr, ever the contrarian, disavowed such labels. “I’m not a socialist. I’m not even for state capitalism,” he quipped, before advocating for assets that “should belong to everyone.” 🌍🤡

Pi Network’s PI: A Hedge or a Hype? 🚀💸

However, Pi Network’s native token, PI, has been a curious exception, holding its ground above $0.20. Notably, this is not the first time such a feat has occurred in recent months. Perhaps it’s time to question whether PI is a phoenix or just a very well-dressed parrot. 🦜

Telegram’s Stocking Up: U.S. Equities Get a Swanky Blockchain Makeover! 🚀💼

According to the whispers in the crypto corridors (or a press release sneaked out to CryptoPotato), this little launch promises to turn Telegram into a veritable Wall Street of the digital age-minus the bad coffee and sharp suits. Imagine buying, selling, and transferring your stocky treasures directly within Telegram-because who needs a broker when you’ve got chat bubbles, right? 📈💬

Kraken & Alpaca’s New Partnership: The Savvy Investor’s Delight! 🦑🐦

Kraken-never one to rest on its laurels-has given its love letter to Alpaca, making it the première source and guardian for those shiny, digitized equities that line Kraken’s xStocks runway. Now, with the addition of the Instant Tokenization Network (ITN), they are serving up real-time minting and redeeming like a maître d’ at a noodle bar-only for fintechs, developers, and the bigwigs beyond U.S. shores. Fancy, isn’t it?

🚨 Bitcoin’s Oversold RSI: The Secret Sauce to Riches? 💰

With the gravitas of a man who has stared into the abyss of trading charts, Bittel shared a diagrammatic representation of Bitcoin’s average trajectory the last five times its RSI dipped below the mystical threshold of 30. In a bold move, he dismissed the widely held belief that Bitcoin’s destiny is tethered to a four-year cycle dictated by its halving events. “Nonsense!” he might as well have exclaimed, waving his hand dismissively.