Cryptonews

Armed with nothing but a publicly accessible quantum computer and a mind as sharp as a winter’s frost, Lelli, in a mere 45 minutes, derived a 15-bit elliptic curve private key from its public counterpart. His weapon of choice? A variant of Shor’s algorithm, wielded with the precision of a dueling aristocrat, to crack the elliptic-curve discrete logarithm problem (ECDLP)-the very backbone of Bitcoin and Ethereum’s digital signatures. Ah, the irony of modernity!

“The Ceasefire between Israel and Lebanon will be extended by THREE WEEKS. I look forward in the near future to hosting the Prime Minister of Israel, Bibi Netanyahu, and the President of Lebanon, Joseph Aoun.” The announcement came after Trump joined an Oval Office session between the Israeli and Lebanese ambassadors to the United States, which also included Vice President Vance, Secretary of State Rubio, and US ambassadors to both countries. Because nothing says “diplomacy” like a bunch of people in a room yelling about peace.

Bitcoin held its ground at $77,000 on Friday, catching its breath after a sprint to levels not seen since early February. The largest cryptocurrency, a digital Goliath, is up about 13.6% in April, according to CoinGlass data. A rebound, they call it, after a losing streak that made even the most hardened investors weep into their whiskey.

Summary

Alphabet, the parent company of our tech titan, is not merely handing out cash like a benevolent Santa Claus-no, no! This is an intricate dance of infrastructure entanglement. Google has committed to providing Anthropic with access to a staggering one million Tensor Processing Units. Yes, you heard it right! Worth “tens of billions”-a veritable feast of computational power expected to yield more than a gigawatt of AI prowess by the year 2026. Oh, how the silicon gods smile upon us! At their Next conference, Google proclaimed itself as the harbinger of “agentic AI,” a term so grand it practically demands a standing ovation.

Behold, the on-chain sleuths at Lookonchain, those digital bloodhounds, have sniffed out a wallet so fresh it still smells of new leather, rotating out of ether with the grace of a circus acrobat and into a 5x leveraged long on 9.19 million APE. The result? A $713,000 unrealized gain, a sum so absurd it could only be described as a gift from the gods-or perhaps, a cunning heist.

He linked the token’s rise to stronger liquidity and broader exchange access, a tale as old as the hills, and declared Midnight is set for an active year of growth, though one suspects the “growth” may be more akin to a squirrel’s frantic darting than a steady march.

Behold, the Binance XRP outflow, a spectacle dominated by whale-sized transfers at 94.4%. For every dollar of XRP departing Binance, 94 cents waltz in grand, corpulent transactions. Retail, the meek 5.5%, watches from the sidelines. This concentration, a rare gem, shimmered twice before: October 2024 and June 2025. Both times, XRP ascended like a balloon at a child’s party, only to pop into the annals of history.

Let me guess-this is just another Tuesday for the EF? They offloaded $23.9 million worth of ETH to their most enthusiastic cheerleader, Tom Lee, who’s basically the crypto version of a guy who buys the team’s jerseys after losing a bet. Meanwhile, the community’s like, “Wait, you’re selling our future to the guy who once called Bitcoin ‘the future of banking’ in a viral tweet?” Classic.

Analysts, those ever-optimistic seers of our age, are convinced that an upward trajectory is not merely possible but almost inevitable. They point to the renewed interest from institutional investors, who seem to have taken a liking to this digital gold. Ah, how charmingly naive they are, these analysts!