Bitcoin decided that enough was enough and ended the first quarter with a positive performance. It had been on a downward spiral for the past six months, retracing over 50% from its high of $126,000 in October 2025. But in a surprising turn of events, it put on a brave face and closed the month in the green. Bravo, Bitcoin, bravo.
Apparently, these features are the first of their kind-native digital-asset capabilities built directly into a treasury management system. Basically, they’re letting corporate finance teams treat crypto like it’s just another fiver in their wallet. Revolutionary? Or just another way to pretend crypto is normal? You decide.
In a April 1 commentary that read like a TED Talk delivered by a sleep-deprived philosopher, Selig boasted of the CFTC’s rapid-fire reforms since his December 22, 2025 swearing-in-a date so recent it might as well be yesterday, if yesterday were a different year.
The new Digital Asset Accounts and Unified Treasury aim to remove manual reconciliation, separate custody systems, and fragmented liquidity tracking, as companies look for practical ways to manage digital assets. Or, you know, just pretend they’re not failing at basic math.
Under this proposal, small-time stablecoin issuers (read: the ones who haven’t yet conquered the financial galaxy) can operate under state supervision. But don’t get too excited-their frameworks must be “substantially similar” to federal regulations. It’s like being told you can wear your favorite pajamas to a black-tie event, as long as they’re made of tuxedo fabric.
Now, corporate finance teams can manage digital assets alongside cash, as if they hadn’t been using separate platforms or third-party custodians for the past century.
Solana’s price failed to remain stable above $85, which is like a toddler failing to keep their hands out of the cookie jar. It then descended below $82 and $80, because nothing says “confidence” like a 10% drop.
“We are on track to complete all of America’s military objectives shortly, very shortly,” the President cooed at the White House on Wednesday. “We’re going to hit them extremely hard over the next two to three weeks,” he added.
Plume, ever the trailblazer, has embarked upon an audacious new payroll pilot that promises to change forever the manner in which employees receive and deploy their earnings. In collaboration with Toku and WisdomTree, Plume is now permitting staff to receive part of their salary in a tokenized money market fund-how thoroughly modern!
Every major token in the top 10 dropped. Ether slid 2.2% to $2,056, BNB fell 3.9% to $591, XRP lost 2.5% to $1.31, and solana’s SOL led losses at 5.2%, extending its weekly decline to 13%. A veritable carnival of chaos.
