Cryptonews

Let’s talk about crypto ATMs: the gift that keeps on giving, mostly to fraudsters. Designed for lightning-fast transactions with all the security of a screen door on a submarine, these machines let you convert cash to crypto faster than you can say “I’ve been scammed.” Five minutes? That’s less time than it takes to microwave a burrito. Victims don’t even realize they’re victims until their bank account starts weeping into its pillow.

The rally arrived hand‑in‑hand with a viral moment from Templar, that most bustling of subnets, while the world suddenly developed a passionate affection for decentralized artificial intelligence tokens, as if they were the newest perfume in Paris.

Nvidia and Nebius Group revealed this week that the chip magnate will invest roughly $2 billion via pre-funded warrants, snatching a minority stake while simultaneously underwriting a veritable AI metropolis-set to hum along with more than 5 gigawatts of Nvidia-accelerated computation by 2030. For comparison, that’s roughly the energy appetite of a small country, or a slightly alarmed city, depending on your viewpoint.

On‑chain chronicles reveal that the perpetrator, a lone wolf with an address beginning with 0x1a35…6231, wrestled the mighty Thena (THE) token supply cap with the patience of a prisoner shepherding his own herd. Over nine months, he accumulated a staggering 84 % of the 14.5 million token reserve, gathering the capital required for a horror show.

Les portefeuilles détenant entre 10 et 10 000 BTC ont fait volte-face, passant des vendeurs désespérés aux acheteurs fous, comme un combleur de trous de bourse.

Right. So. Michael Saylor has once again emerged from whatever cryptocurrency cave he lives in to remind us all that he is absolutely, catastrophically, irreversibly in love with Bitcoin. And somehow, impossibly, I find myself related to this man on a spiritual level because I too know what it’s like to have a consumption habit that alarms all my friends and family.

Apparently, the Coinbase Premium Gap, which is basically the crypto equivalent of comparing your Uber fare to your friend’s, has flipped positive. This means US traders are buying Bitcoin like it’s going out of style, or at least like it’s not going to crash again tomorrow. For 10 weeks, it was negative, which is crypto-speak for “Americans were selling Bitcoin like it was a timeshare in the desert.” Now it’s positive, so maybe they’re finally done panic-selling. Or maybe they just forgot their passwords.

The 11-product buffet raked in over $767 million from March 9-13, per SosoValue. Presumably, they’re charging extra for the “institutional-grade” vibe.

At the time of writing, XRP was up 1.02%-a modest triumph-reaching $1.41, and 3.76% higher for the week. It’s now on its fourth day of rising, like a stubborn little plant pushing through concrete, reaching the upper echelons of its recent trading range.

But fear not, dear followers. This crash isn’t a disaster-it’s a Black Friday for Bitcoin. Just wait until the market’s so down it’s practically in the negatives, then Kiyosaki says, “Go on, buy it! It’s so 2008.”