Bitwise’s 2028 Election ETF: A Gamble on Democracy!

Bitwise has filed for a prediction market ETF targeting major U.S. elections. The move is indicative of increasing institutional interest in political event-based contracts. Industry observers are attributing the filing to the increase in demand for regulated exposure.

Texas Gets Gogol-esque Bitcoin Boost: 6MW of Absurdity Unveiled!

Soluna Holdings Inc., with a flourish worthy of a Gogol protagonist, has announced its latest tryst with Blockware, bolstering its Dorothy 1 site-a renewable-powered data center where the sun’s rays are harnessed not for crops, but for the ethereal dance of cryptocurrency. Deployment, they say, began in January, and by February’s end, the deed shall be done. Ah, the sweet predictability of deadlines in a world of chaos!

Investors Rejoice! Gold Dividends Now Come with a Side of Blockchain Shenanigans

In a rather audacious announcement, Tether-yes, the purveyor of that ever-so-stable USD₮ stablecoin-has revealed that Elemental Royalty Corporation will bestow upon its shareholders the delight of receiving dividends in Tether Gold (XAU₮). How modern and revolutionary! One can only imagine the thrill of watching their dividends shimmer in the digital ether.

Bitmine’s Ethereum Gamble: Is It a Genius Move or Just Plain Insanity?

Picture this: a purchase worth $90.83 million, as if it were just a casual trip to the grocery store. That’s right, Bitmine has swelled its holdings to a jaw-dropping value of $8.68 billion. Who knew a few digital tokens could be worth so much? But hold your horses; there’s a catch! The average cost of those shiny coins is a cool ~$3,821. At the current market price of $1,960, it looks like Bitmine is down a staggering $8.03 billion. Talk about a rollercoaster ride!

Japan’s JPYC Beats Singapore in APAC Stablecoin Sprint

The aggregate APAC local stablecoin supply, that most fickle of creatures, has rebounded since mid-2025, rising from a modest $40 million to a rather impressive $58-60 million by early 2026. One might say the market has found its footing-or at least its wallet.

Shiba Inu Barks Back: Is This the Rally We’ve Been Howling For?

Shiba Inu (SHIB) has been through the wringer, folks. A bearish expansion so sharp it could slice through a blockchain? Check. A dip into oversold territory so deep it made the Mariana Trench jealous? Double check. But just when you thought SHIB was ready to roll over and play dead, it bounced back like a rubber chicken at a comedy show. That’s right-it reclaimed its monthly support faster than you can say, “Who let the dogs out?”

Europe’s Financial Gambit: Can Stablecoins Save the Soul of the Euro?

Nagel, with the solemnity of a man who has seen too many spreadsheets, insists that Europe must embrace stablecoins, wholesale CBDCs, and a digital euro to reclaim its “financial sovereignty.” One imagines him muttering this to a room of bankers who nodded as if he’d just explained the plot of War and Peace in Morse code.