At this hour, XRP doth languish at $1.45, a mere shadow of the colossal liquidity clusters that loom above, like a fortress of gold. Bird, with a sigh, doth whisper that this imbalance shall not endure, for even the most stubborn of fools must eventually yield to the tide.
Bankman-Fried, now a man who once wore a suit and now wears a jumpsuit with the word “MAYBE” embroidered on the back, has attempted to reinvent himself as a political chameleon. His efforts, however, have been met with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for a telemarketer selling timeshares in Siberia. Fortune magazine reports that his latest act involves quoting MAGA slogans while serving time, a performance so awkward it makes a mime’s career change seem dignified.
The fateful encounter, as one might expect, transpired at the White House-a location that, as Garlinghouse himself conceded with the enthusiasm of a man recounting a particularly dull dinner party, was “kind of weird.” One can only speculate whether the chandeliers or the ghosts of past scandals made the atmosphere so disconcerting.
Other altcoins, including XRP, Solana, Dogecoin, and Bitcoin Cash, also dropped between 5% and 18%.
US-chartered bank SoFi is now letting its 13.7 million customers deposit, buy, and hold Solana (SOL) directly from its banking app. Because nothing says “safety” like a digital currency that’s more unpredictable than a politician’s promise.
According to Steven McClurg, CEO of Canary Capital, XRP has been gobbling up half of all new cash flowing into altcoin ETFs. Imagine that: in a jungle of competing coins, XRP isn’t just surviving-it’s hosting a feast. Solana, poor thing, licks its wounds with 30% of the leftovers, while Hedera clutches 20%, muttering about unfair parenting. McClurg, that sly fox, declared XRP’s “staying power” at a time when investors are clutching their wallets tighter than a miser in a thunderstorm.
While not an immediate threat, it is believed that once quantum computers are powerful enough, Elliptic Curve Cryptography could be broken, meaning private keys could be computed from exposed public keys. Because nothing says “I’m safe” like having your secrets publicly available, just waiting for a quantum computer to say, “Hey, I’m bored. Let’s crack this.”
Ameen, the Gandalf of code, remembers when Solana in 2020, Starknet in 2021, and Stellar in 2022 had already given their zesty blockchains a splash of Poseidon. And here-
Glassnode, the on‑chain paparazzi, has spent the last week gussying up the Total Supply in Loss metric. Think of it as the “price‑you‑pay‑for‑not‑selling‑your‑bitcoin” club where members flaunt their unrealized losses (like a bad breakup, minus the drama).
Behold the bond market.