In a missive posted upon the platform X, the esteemed Charles Edwards, founder of Capriole Investments, hath discoursed upon the peculiar habits of these “OG whales.” These are not mere minnows, mind you, but investors whose hands have clutched their BTC for over seven long years, never once letting go-until now, it seems! 🦈📈
The scene could easily be misunderstood as something straight out of “The Bubble Busters: Financially Challenged Edition.” “Having the Secretary of the Treasury at the Pubkey DC launch seems like a moment I could easily look back on and say ‘wow, it was all so obvious’,” chuckled Ben Werkman, CIO of some Bitcoin treasury group called Strive. Apparently, hindsight is a fascinating thing.
The word is out (from the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Northern District of Texas, bless ’em), that a federal jury (presumably after a long weekend and a lot of coffee), found Geosyn Mining LLC’s Founder, Caleb Ward, guilty in what can only be described as a scam of interstellar proportions, involving the loss of a small, very moon-sized portion of someone’s wealth in this structured cryptocurrency saga.
This isn’t some slapdash affair, either. Just two moons ago, they were bragging about a $300 million raise at a modest $5 billion valuation. Now, suddenly, they’re strutting around like overstuffed peacocks with a new wallet to match! No wonder folks are whispering about game-changing speed here. 🚀
As if markets weren’t already wild, the latest upgrade is expected to stir up a storm-drawing fresh traders, market makers, and a parade of new markets. The result? Demand for HYPE spikes faster than a chef’s knife at a vegan picnic. Buckle up, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride. 🚀
Ce contraste cruel met en scène deux régions aux sensibilités aux risques diamétralement opposées, alimentant le débat : le Bitcoin vise-t-il une correction sage ou se prépare-t-il à une crise encore plus savoureuse? 🍿
Ondo described the approval as a passporting milestone, which sounds like a fancy way of saying “we can now legally scam Europeans with crypto.” The platform’s $315 million in TVL and $1 billion in volume since launch are impressive… if you ignore the fact that it’s all just digital confetti. 🎉
Kalshi, a regulated prediction market platform, has closed a $1 billion funding round that values the company at $11 billion, according to TechCrunch. The round was led by returning investors Sequoia Capital and CapitalG, with participation from Andreessen Horowitz, Paradigm, Anthos Capital, and Neo. (Because nothing says “investment” like a bunch of venture capitalists betting on the stock market’s next crash.)
According to the ever-vigilant Whale Alert (because who doesn’t need a tracker for massive crypto movements?), this ancient behemoth of a holder decided Thursday, November 20, was the perfect day to say, “You know what? I’m done holding onto this digital gold. Time to cash out and buy a fleet of luxury yachts.” 🚀 Or maybe just pay off their student loans. Who knows? The point is, it happened, and the crypto community is now collectively clutching their LEDGERs in horror. 😱
For those not entirely familiar with the intricacies of digital gold, the Bitcoin for America Act would allow you, dear citizen, to swap your hard-earned Bitcoin (currently worth a measly BTC $86,905) for a shiny, new tax receipt. And where would your funds go? Straight into a national Bitcoin reserve. Because, of course, the federal government needs a Bitcoin stash, like a squirrel hoarding nuts for winter. 🐿️
