Cryptonews

And who among us shall interpret this miracle? Behold, Garret Bullish-the so-called “White House whale”-a title that sounds less like finance and more like a minor villain from a Cold War cartoon 🐳. He of the legendary October short that made him millions (or so he says, and who among us can verify such things behind the Great Blockchain Firewall?). Now he emerges, not with bread, but with prophecy: ETH shall rise to $5,413. Not $5,414. Not $5,412. $5,413. Such precision! One wonders if he received the number in a dream from Lenin himself.

Initially, Dogecoin took a tumble after it couldn’t push through the gate at $0.1520, akin to some folks who can’t quite muster the moxie to cross a creek. It faltered below the $0.150 and slipped under $0.1450. Somehow, it skidded along toward the 50% Fib retracement, finding solace near the $0.1420 support, much like an old bone forgotten but eventually remembered.

In whispers that echo from secret conclave to the corridors of influence, Pakistan has entered an agreement with a sprite of World Liberty Financial to toy with its USD1 stablecoin for international payments. This charm involves collaboration with the State Bank of Pakistan and aims not to cavort recklessly as some impromptu crypto caper but to waltz within a regulated framework,

At 6:47 p.m. on Jan. 14, bitcoin is trading near $97,039-close enough to the $98,000 peak that you’d think it was trying to touch the sky, but like a stubborn mule, it’s just bouncing. The price isn’t crashing; it’s just finding its balance, like a tightrope walker who’s had a few too many drinks but refuses to fall. The recent surge has slowed to a shuffle, but the trend remains all about consolidation-not a sign of a crossroads, just a pause to catch breath. 🤷‍♂️

He warned the Senate Banking Committee’s draft “breaks key parts of market structure” and could unleash risks for tokenized equities, DeFi, stablecoins, and open crypto markets-like handing a dragon a key to the candy vault. 🍬🐉

Thus unfolds the drama:

Le prix du Bitcoin s’est envolé comme un cigare après un bon verre de champagne, principalement parce que les petits investisseurs, ou plutôt, les moutons du troupeau crypto, ont capitulé en renonçant à leur précieux, tandis que les Baleines, ces géants parmi les géants, réclament de plus en plus de leur part du marché. Selon Santiment, plus de 47 000 BTC ont été lâchés durant ces trois derniers jours-là – une fuite digne d’un spectacle de comédie. 🐑🐳

YZi Labs, helmed by the indefatigable CZ, has announced a substantial investment in this endeavor. Because, of course, what’s a crypto project without a billionaire’s blessing? 🙏

After a brief, agonizing plunge into the abyss of red ink, Bitcoin’s price now dances upward, a phoenix reborn from the ashes of despair. But let us not delude ourselves: this resurgence is no mere miracle. Nay, it is the work of the great whale-tyrants, those shadowy sovereigns who hoard BTC with the recklessness of a drunkard clutching his last bottle of vodka. Their actions scream a question that haunts the night: What madness drives them? 🤯

Ethereum has tiptoed past the $3,330 threshold, confirming a breakout from a symmetrical triangle on the daily chart, says chartist Ali Martinez. The thing had been loafing in a period of sideways movement, like a cat at a fish-and-chips shop.