SoSoValue, that oracle of numbers, proclaims that the 12 spot Bitcoin ETFs in the U.S. bled $32 million on Thursday, Jan. 22. BlackRock’s IBIT, with its august name, led the exodus with $22.3 million, while Fidelity’s FBTC trailed like a hapless sidekick with $9.7 million. The others? Silent as a Gogol protagonist lost in thought.
As the whispers of fate would have it, our beloved Binance has indeed sent forth its application to the Hellenic authorities under the grandiloquent Markets in Crypto-Assets framework, a name that rolls off the tongue like a fine Greek wine. They have not only filled out their forms but also established a local holding company, cleverly dubbed Binary Greece- a name that sounds like it could be a contestant on a game show about financial wits!
Upon gazing at the 4-hour time frame for our beloved $BTC, one might discern the emergence of a most ominous bear pennant. Should this dark cloud fulfill its prophecy, we could witness a crash that sends us spiraling down to the depths of $80,000-a level that mirrors the nadir of our current distribution debacle. The price action now teeters at the very edge of this pennant, as if on the brink of a comedic fall. Should it stumble through and be confirmed below, oh dear Bitcoin holders, brace yourselves! Perhaps this is merely a final jig to rid the market of those investors lacking true steadfastness!
In a post that could only be described as the crypto equivalent of a late-night infomercial, Qubic announced: “The community didn’t hesitate. The vote was decisive: DOGE won with 301 votes.” Wow, 301 votes. That’s roughly the number of people who show up to a PTA meeting, but sure, let’s call it a mandate. “This isn’t a plug-and-play upgrade,” they added, because apparently, integrating ASIC hardware into uPoW is harder than assembling an IKEA bookshelf without the instructions. Who knew?
Kingsport, a jewel in Tennessee’s crown, populous and crypto-friendly, has with unanimous fervor embraced an ordinance that paves the way for data centers and crypto mining sites. So says the local scribes, ever vigilant in their chronicles. The decree is clear: crypto miners may dwell within the city’s embrace, provided they are ensconced in fully enclosed buildings, at a respectful distance of 500 feet from the slumbering residences.
For those engaged in the delightfully illicit world of cryptocurrency – a realm already steeped in a charming air of mystery – a VPN is less an affectation and more a sensible precaution. Wallet access, exchange logins… such details are far too interesting to leave exposed to the vulgar gaze of the unprotected internet. A VPN provides a layer of obfuscation, a veil of respectability, if you will. Though, one shudders to think what sort of individuals require such discreet protection. That being said, let us examine the top six purveyors of this digital subterfuge, as of January 2026.
For the uninitiated, this “golden cross” is but a quaint dance of moving averages: the 23-month SMA, with a grace that belies its complexity, has pirouetted above the 50-month SMA. Chartists, those modern-day soothsayers, declare this a macro golden cross-a term as grandiose as it is obscure. On the XRP versus BTC chart, this pas de deux has occurred but once before, just as the altcoin leapt from 0.000023 to 0.000228 per Bitcoin in a mere three monthly candles. A fleeting moment, yet one etched into the annals of crypto lore.
Meanwhile, crypto markets have lost $200 billion this week, proving once again that money can disappear faster than my motivation to exercise. The usual suspects-trade wars, Japanese bond drama, and the U.S. government’s inability to pass crypto laws-are to blame. At this point, I’m convinced Congress thinks “blockchain” is a new brand of yoga pants.
On January 22, Bitwise Asset Management, in a delightful partnership with Proficio Capital Partners, announced this new cocktail of investments-an ETF that marries Bitcoin and gold, purportedly to shield against the ever-looming specter of currency debasement.
Iran’s central bank has amassed a cool $507 million in Tether’s USDT to give the rial a little boost. You know, just casually sidestepping traditional banking channels like it’s no big deal. This all went down in April and May 2025-perfect timing for a good ol’ financial maneuver.