The ‘restructuring’ plan, which could happen as soon as this month, involves folding Zodia’s crypto custody business into one of the bank’s existing divisions. Because nothing says “innovation” like a good old-fashioned merger.
But hold your space bucks, because the derivatives data on Binance is telling a story that’s about as optimistic as a Vogon reading poetry. According to a CryptoQuant report, XRP’s leverage structure is more lopsided than a three-legged stool at a galactic cocktail party. Over the past 30 days, long position liquidations have hit $39.8 million-roughly the cost of a slightly used Heart of Gold spaceship-while short position liquidations only managed $19.7 million. The market, it seems, is slapping buyers twice as hard as sellers, which is about as fair as a game of cricket with a Vogsphere team.
Our British hero, Adam Back, has raised his eyebrows in scandalous disbelief at claims he might be the elusive Satoshi Nakamoto, after the New York Times bestowed upon him the dubious honor of “most likely suspect.”
Still, SHIB drifts within the larger, relentless river of decline. Its attempts at stability, a valiant but feeble protest, are no more than ephemeral flickers. Prices linger below the august moving averages, all sloping downward as though bowing to the persistent hand of bearish rule. What might appear as a flirtation with recovery is, in truth, nothing but a transient pause, a polite nod before the inevitable continuation of the downward march.
This suggests current sales would reach around $44 billion over a year, which is about a third of the expected sales for 2025, as detailed in a report released last week.
Coinbase is accelerating its global expansion with a decisive entry into Australia’s regulated financial sector. The move marks a bold, and perhaps terminally cheerful, push beyond crypto trading into traditional financial services. New regulatory approval positions the exchange to contend with venerable institutions while wearing a very modern suit.
In a rather exhilarating chat on Squawk on the Street (which, let’s be honest, sounds like the sort of show where stockbrokers go to air their latest fever dreams), the bank’s chief multi-asset strategist, Max Kettner, casually mentioned that the S&P 500’s recent tumble to a modest 6,343 could, just could, be the bottom we’ve all been waiting for. Oh, how thrilling.
The Financial Times reports that Iran may start accepting Bitcoin as payment for ships passing through the Strait of Hormuz. This important waterway carries about 20% of the world’s oil and gas. The proposed fee would be $1 for each barrel of oil carried. For a large oil tanker carrying two million barrels, this could mean a toll of up to $2 million per trip.
Across the financial tapestry, venerable institutions-Deutsche Bank, DZ Bank, and Commerzbank among them-slip into the crypto ballroom under the gleaming, newly minted regulatory framework, as if the law itself were a fashionable shawl thrown over their shoulders to appear avant-garde.
The blockchain, compatible with the familiar Ethereum Virtual Machine, has keyed up its engines to impress ultra‑formal financial institutions and asset managers who need a crystal‑clear bridge between paper and cryptographic realms. The capital wave will help it spread its RWA rails like hot‑made pastries over Asian oceans and beyond. Prepare for a May 2025 testnet debut that promises more drama than a Dahl novella.
