Oh, what’s this? Jane Street, the trading whiz, is now facing its THIRD lawsuit from Terraform Labs. This time, it’s all about the 2022 LUNA and TerraUSD crash. The fresh lawsuit was filed by the court-appointed bigwig Todd Snyder, who’s trying to get back the money for poor old creditors after Terraform’s messy bankruptcy.
And then, just when you thought things couldn’t get more interesting, along comes Vitalik Buterin, Ethereum’s resident genius and occasional market-mover, selling off 675.88 ETH in the past few hours. That’s roughly $1.25 million, or as I like to call it, “a slightly overpriced sandwich in San Francisco.” Over the past month, he’s offloaded about 11,422 ETH, which is approximately $23.33 million, or enough to buy a small island-though, let’s be honest, who needs an island when you can have the internet’s undying attention?
Dogecoin’s open interest? Sub-$1 billion now, darling. XRP’s? Back to late November 2024, which is basically crypto time-travel. Both coins have erased over a year of futures market buildup because apparently, 2026 is the new 2023.
River’s latest adoption report paints a stark picture: bitcoin (BTC) is no longer the gadget of hobbyists and scrappy founders. Governments are now part of the equation, with 23 nation-states estimated to own BTC through seizures, direct purchases, state-backed mining or sovereign wealth allocations.
What’s the big deal, you ask? Well, it’s a total game-changer. Instead of just dipping their pinky toes into crypto exposure, these old-school asset managers are now staking claims in decentralized trading and lending. Yeah, they’re buying governance and economic ownership. Let that sink in while you sip on your non-crypto, definitely-not-virtual coffee.
Behold, three AI stocks that might just be the Mean Girls of March 2026-technically and fundamentally sharper than a Tina Fey one-liner. Plus, a high-risk, honorary pick that’s basically the Jenna Maroney of the bunch.
The market’s collective soul has been bruised by this recent price retreat, a performance so tragic it could make a nihilist weep. The BTC supply now languishing at a loss has skyrocketed, a grim testament to the bearish symphony playing out. One might say the market has become a theater of financial purgatory, where every coin whispers its last rites.
Now, the juicy question on everyone’s lips: Is this period of consolidation a mere breather before an exhilarating surge? Or is it just a fancy term for a pause in a broader downward spiral? The $1.40 level has become the pivot point of the moment, with multiple rejections this past week, like an ill-fitting tuxedo at a wedding.
Enter Bitcoin Depot, the self-proclaimed king of Bitcoin ATMs, who has now decreed: “No ID, no Bitcoin! Simple as a farce!” Starting February, even a casual transaction demands your ID, as if the machine were a picky Parisian waiter.
The Pentagon wants Claude. No guardrails. No exceptions. And Anthropic has until Friday to decide. Because nothing says “trust us” like a government demanding your AI model without any restrictions. Just hand it over, or face the consequences. Which, in this case, might involve a very angry general with a clipboard.
