Remember October? When Bitcoin hit $126,080 and the world briefly believed in fairy tales? ETFs were flowing like vodka at a Gorky novel, regulations smiled like a corrupt bureaucrat, and on-chain activity buzzed like a factory floor. But, comrades, the party didn’t last. Macro disappointments, leverage wipeouts, and whales dumping like a peasant’s cart overturned-BTC tumbled back to the $80,000-$90,000 range by December. Capitalism, eh? 🤑💔
Meanwhile, the altcoins are having their own little drama. Ethereum is trying to flirt with $2,900 again, but it’s looking a bit shy. And XRP? Oh dear, it’s sliding down to $1.85, clearly not winning any popularity contests. 🙈
In an annual report by the jestful CoinGlass, the tumultuous act of forced liquidations reached a staggering sum of approximately $150 billion. On a day-to-day basis, the sordid affair averaged out to somewhere between $400 and $500 million, a ludicrous routine coined as “leverage washing.” Most trading floors, perhaps begrudgingly, limped through with liquidations numbering merely in the tens and hundreds of millions, barely causing a ripple in the Bitcoin seas and the grand crypto empire.
On a day that the sun blinked twice, December 19th saw the Liberal Democratic Party and the Japan Innovation Party unveil their “Tax Reform Outline” (FY2026 edition), a document brimming with the excitement of a damp matchstick 🌾💣. CoinPost, with the gravitas of a shogun’s scroll, leaked the plot: crypto taxation will be delicately sliced like sushi, with separate classifications for spot trading, derivatives, and ETFs-and perhaps even NFTs, the digital aesthetics currently left to languish under comprehensive taxation, their fate as uncertain as a lovesick koi🐟🤦♂️.
On December 26, 2025 (yes, the day after everyone’s Christmas hangover), Uniswap’s UNIfication proposal sailed through with a whopping 125 million UNI votes in favor. Only 742 UNI said “nah,” which is basically the crypto equivalent of a unanimous standing ovation. 👏 But let’s be real, those 742 tokens were probably just grumpy because they forgot their wallet passwords.
This “upgrade,” as the technocrats call it, promises to shuffle blocks faster than a gambler counts chips, boost throughput with the enthusiasm of a caffeinated squirrel, and generally make the network perform like it’s trying to prove something to its blockchain rivals. Or perhaps just to itself.
However, along comes our dear Changpeng Zhao, dashing all our instincts with his Christmas message. He offers a perspective so realistic, it’s almost as refreshing as a gin and tonic on a scorching afternoon. Bravo, Zhao! 👏
Word on the street-or rather, the blockchain-is that Ethereum’s network has seen a surge in activity. Ali Martinez, a fellow with a keen eye for numbers, claims daily active addresses shot up from 496,000 to over 800,000 in just three weeks. That’s like the entire population of a small town suddenly deciding to write letters to the mayor. 📈✉️
Ah, Vladimir Putin, that master of subtle irony, reveals a plot thicker than a Moscow winter. At a gathering of Russia’s finest capitalists, he hints at a scheme to turn Zaporizhzhia into a crypto forge. “Let us harness its might,” he declares, “for coins that shimmer like mirages in the desert.” 🪙✨
Lee, that paragon of wisdom and crypto foresight, didst quote-post an image claiming 2026 ATHs for Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Solana-numbers so grand, they’d make a medieval king weep with envy. 🏺💎 Yet, the community, ever vigilant, hath appended a warning: “This anon source is as fake as a three-dollar bill!” 🚫