Blockchain Group Buys Yet More Bitcoin. Should We All Panic or Party?

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Buckle up, here’s the rollercoaster gist:

  • The Blockchain Group has flexed with a ludicrous BTC yield this year—about 1,348%, which is only one thousand three hundred and forty-eight percent more productive than my houseplants.
  • They’ve gained 539.5 BTC year-to-date, and 101.8 BTC this quarter alone. Clearly, somebody remembered their Excel formulas.

The Blockchain Group (or ALTBG, for those who adore mysterious acronyms that sound like IKEA furniture) just dropped a casual 10.7 million euros—roughly $12.51 million—on 116 shiny new Bitcoins. Current total: 1,904 BTC, which is only slightly fewer than the number of vitamins I tell myself I’ll take each January.

All this bravado emerges from “ATM-type” capital increases (which definitely does not mean the CFO parked outside the bank with a sack) and a dose of convertible bond magic, both done and dusted by July 2025, apparently before the rest of us had even finished our summer prosecco.

Seriously though, 1,348% BTC yield year-to-date. If only my gym membership returned similar gains on my abs.

Investors such as TOBAM and Adam Back clearly decided “YOLO” and threw in enough for ALTBG to scoop up a modest 11 BTC for 1 million euro, and then another not-at-all-overcompensating 105 BTC for a breezy 9.8 million euro. Together, that’s 116 BTC, finally something bigger than my online shopping cart.

Average bitcoin price paid? Only 90,332 euro a pop (that’s $105,688, which is coincidentally also what I scream every time I refill my car). Total reserve value: 172.0 million euro, or $201.24 million (give or take the price of a few avocado toasts).

Will this strategic hoarding make us regret not buying bitcoin back in 2012 instead of that ill-advised slushy machine? Time will tell. In the meantime: hats off to anyone still pretending to understand crypto lingo. 🚀💸

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2025-07-07 11:40