Bitwise Unleashes 11 Crypto ETFs – Will the SEC Panic? 🤯💰

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Bitwise Asset Management has just hurled 11 new cryptocurrency ETF scrolls and quills at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, like a dragon hoarding digital gold and muttering, “Regulation? What regulation?” 🐉📜

If approved, these funds will trade on NYSE Arca, offering a regulated path to altcoins that are currently more “mysterious” than a cat’s interest in a laser pointer. Investors, brace yourselves for a financial rollercoaster with a side of paperwork. 🎢📄

The proposed funds include ETFs tracking Aave (AAVE), Zcash (ZEC), Sui (SUI), and others-names that sound like they belong in a fantasy novel where coins whisper secrets to their holders. Each fund plans to dabble in tokens, derivatives, and whatever’s left in the “regulated exposure” cookie jar. 🪄🍪

Bitwise claims this is part of a grand quest to lure institutional investors out of their velvet-draped caves and into the wilds of altcoins, beyond the well-trodden Bitcoin and Ethereum trails. Spoiler: They’re still figuring out how to pronounce “Sui.” 😅

With 2026 looming, Bitwise’s CIO, Matt Hougan, predicts a crypto ETF explosion rivaling a Discworld golem learning to juggle. “More than 100 ETFs next year!” he declared, probably while sipping tea and eyeing the SEC like a suspicious teapot. 🫖💣

So, will the SEC panic? Probably not. But if they do, at least they’ll have 11 new ETFs to distract them. Priorities, right? 🤷♂️✨

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2026-01-02 22:47