BitMine Hoards ETH Like There’s No Tomorrow-2.65M Tokens & Counting! 😂

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Oh, you thought BitMine was done playing the “I’m a corporate whale in a goldfish pond” game? Think again. 🐟💸 The company just dropped $963 million on ETH like it’s Black Friday and Ethereum’s the last pair of designer socks on the shelf. Total crypto stash? A cool $11.6 billion. Because nothing says “financial prudence” like owning 2.65 million ETH. 🚀

Let’s parse this: 2.65 million ETH, $436 million in cash, and a “we’re-not-joking” 2% of the entire ETH supply. 🤑 At this rate, BitMine should just rename itself “ETH-Mine” and be done with it. The 24h volatility? 3.3%. Which is less than my caffeine withdrawal symptoms on a Monday morning. Market cap? $502.86B. And their daily trading volume? Enough to make Visa blush. 💳💨

Bitmine’s “5% Alchemy” Strategy: Because Why Not?

Remember when BitMine was just a twinkle in Tom Lee’s eye? Now they’re on a buying spree so aggressive, it’s like watching a Wall Street trader on five espresso shots. 📈☕ Last week: 2.4M ETH. This week: 2.65M. Next week: the moon? 🌕 The Chairman, Thomas “Tom” Lee (yes, he of the “I-heart-Ethereum” T-shirt collection), calls this the “biggest macro trade of the decade.” Because obviously, hoarding 5% of all ETH is the *sensible* move. 💼✨

Lee’s pitch? Ethereum’s the “premier choice” for blockchain neutrality. Sure, Tom. And I’m the Queen of England. 🇬🇧 But hey, if you squint, integrating AI with Ethereum does sound like a genius plan. Or a plotline from a sci-fi movie where sentient crypto crashes the stock market. 🤖📈

BitMine isn’t alone in this ETH lovefest. SharpLink Gaming’s sitting on 838K ETH like it’s a gaming tournament jackpot. 🎮💸 Because nothing says “esports dominance” like a backup plan involving blockchain. Institutional investors are flocking to ETH like seagulls to a bag of chips. 🗽💸

And let’s talk about BitMine’s stock (BMNR), now the 26th most traded in the US. Ahead of Visa? In what universe?! 🤔 But hey, when your daily trading volume’s $2.6B, you’re either a financial genius or a pyramid scheme waiting to happen. 🧮✨

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2025-09-29 20:32