Ah, Bitcoin, the eternal jester of the financial world, prancing into 2025’s finale with all the grace of a drunk bear on ice skates. 🍻🐻⛸️ After a year of bullish bravado, it’s ending right where it started, like a revolutionary who forgot his own manifesto.
Remember October? When Bitcoin hit $126,080 and the world briefly believed in fairy tales? ETFs were flowing like vodka at a Gorky novel, regulations smiled like a corrupt bureaucrat, and on-chain activity buzzed like a factory floor. But, comrades, the party didn’t last. Macro disappointments, leverage wipeouts, and whales dumping like a peasant’s cart overturned-BTC tumbled back to the $80,000-$90,000 range by December. Capitalism, eh? 🤑💔
Galaxy Digital, those wise old owls of the crypto forest, cluck that 2025’s quiet end is just the prologue to the next act. But what an act it promises to be!
Galaxy Digital: 2026 Is a Crystal Ball Shattered on the Floor
In their annual report, Galaxy Digital peers into the fog of 2026 with all the confidence of a man predicting the weather in Siberia. 🌪️ While they swear Bitcoin will hit $250,000 by 2027, next year? Chaos reigns. “2026 is too chaotic to predict,” admits Alex Thorn, Head of Firmwide Research, though he adds, “Bitcoin making new all-time highs is still possible.” Hope springs eternal, even in the abyss. 🌈⚰️
“2026 is too chaotic to predict, though Bitcoin making new all-time highs in 2026 is still possible,” – Alex Thorn, probably sipping tea while the world burns. 🍵🔥
Galaxy warns: until BTC holds above $100,000-$105,000, the bears are still prowling. 🐻⚠️
Options Markets: A Carnival of Confusion
The derivatives markets? A circus of speculation. Options traders are betting Bitcoin could hit $70,000 or $130,000 by June 2026, and by year’s end, the range stretches from $50,000 to $250,000. Thorn shrugs, “These wide ranges reflect uncertainty,” blaming monetary policy, AI spending, and the U.S. midterms. Ah, democracy-the ultimate wildcard. 🎪🎭
2025 Predictions: A Comedy of Errors
Galaxy’s 2025 predictions? Let’s just say they missed the mark like a drunk archer. Bitcoin didn’t cross $150,000 or sniff $185,000. Spot Bitcoin ETFs? They aimed for $250 billion AUM but landed at $141 billion. Oops. 🤡💸
A “Boring” Year? The Revolution Sleeps
Yet, Galaxy insists Bitcoin is maturing, like a proletariat finally learning to read. Volatility is down, and downside protection costs more than upside bets-a sign of stability, they say. “2026 could be a boring year,” Thorn muses, “but whether it ends at $70k or $150k, our bullish outlook grows stronger.” Stability, the true revolution? 🏭✨
“2026 could be a boring year for Bitcoin, and whether it finishes at $70k or $150k, our bullish outlook… is only growing stronger,” – Thorn, the eternal optimist in a world of chaos. 🌍🤹♂️
For Bitcoin, perhaps stability is progress. Or just the calm before the storm. 🌪️⚡
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2025-12-27 16:23