Bitcoin’s Venezuela Oil Saga: Everyone’s Fueling a Misfire 🚨⛽

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Bitcoin’s 5% bourbon-fueled bounce on January 5 was all very mise-en-scène-some dramatic Venezuela political tomfoolery was supposed to “unlock” oil, lower prices, cool inflation, rebound Fed rates, and voilà! A shiny BTC rally. Sounds plausible enough for a TV infomercial… until you realize the numbers suggest this is all as solid as a house of cards in a hurricane.

Ryan Rasmussen of Bitwise, a man who clearly hasn’t been watching too many geopolitical thrillers, called out the “Wall Street theory” that Venezuela’s oil reserves would politely tip-toe into the global market like a well-dressed diplomat. Instead, he asked, gently, “What’s wrong here?”

Why This Bitcoin Theory Diplomatically Implodes

The core gist: If Bitcoin was partying like Janet Yellen handed out champagne, the rate cut odds should’ve been doing the Macarena. They didn’t. In fact, after Maduro’s dramatic kidnapping arc (shoutout to Hollywood), the chance of a 2026 rate cut dipped from 16.6% to 16.1%-a shift so profound it could be called “democratic.”

Rasmussen poked further: “December 2026 rate cut odds? Uh. 19.1% before. 19.2% after. Barely moved. Just like my dating life.” The takeaway? The market’s been less interested in Venezuela and more preoccupied with crypto’s usual suspects: institutional love drips. “+$500m into ETFs!” he shrilled, citing Morgan Stanley and friends.

Then there’s the regulatory backdrop-2024’s election victory parade for crypto, as if the Feds handed out gold stars for crypto adoption. Plus, AI mania’s doing its bit, with investors piling into tech stocks and Bitcoin like it’s 2000… but less awkward.

And by the way, QE isn’t some canceled TV show. “Yes, 50bps cuts are coming. Maduro’s capture? It’s more squawk-box spectacle than seismic shift.”

So, was Venezuela a plot twist or just a talking head’s amuse-bouche? “Somewhat,” admitted Rasmussen. “But the main course? Nope, it’s the same old rat-race narrative with a new MAD-lib.”

At press time, BTC traded at $93,750. A sum so staggering, it makes a billionaire’s savings account blush. 💸

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2026-01-06 11:43