Darling, Bitcoin is teetering on the precipice of financial drama, and the long-term investors are clutching their pearls, wondering if it’s time to swap stories for probabilities. Enter the ever-so-clever Chris Burniske, former Ark Invest darling, who’s laid out a framework so objective, it’s practically a Noël Coward monologue. No hype, no histrionics-just structure, darlings, as the price pirouettes around moving averages like a ballerina with a hangover.
Burniske’s Witty Take
Our dear Chris is the epitome of restraint: he’s set his levels like a society hostess arranging her seating chart, but he’s not RSVPing to this party just yet. First stop, $80,000-the local low of this bearish tantrum and the November 2025 nadir. Oh, the dip buyers might flutter their fans here, but if the risk sentiment remains as dour as a rainy Tuesday in London, it could all come crashing down like a poorly constructed soufflé.
I’m not a buyer yet, but if I were to be a buyer, imo the areas to watch for $BTC are:
~$80K: Nov ’25 low, local low of this “bear”
~$74K: April ’25 low, Tariff Tantrum low, just below $MSTR’s cost basis (~$76K)
~$70K: Top of $50-70K range, near ’21 high
~$58K: 200W SMA &…– Chris Burniske (@cburniske) January 25, 2026
Next, $74,000-a level so psychologically charged, it’s practically Freudian. Just below MicroStrategy’s cost basis, it’s the April 2025 low during the Tariff Tantrum. Institutions, my dears, are like drama queens-they always react with flair to these reference points.
But the pièce de résistance? $70,000. It’s the 2021 cycle high, the peak of the $50,000-$70,000 range. Markets, like a spurned lover, always return to test these levels. Will past resistance become long-term support? One can only sip one’s martini and watch.
Bitcoin’s Muddy Waltz
Should Bitcoin take a deeper plunge, it enters the long-term valuation tango. At $58,000, the 200-week moving average waltzes with on-chain cost basis estimates, while realized value lurks near $56,000. Historically, this zone is where accumulation happens-like society matrons scooping up bargains at a fire sale.
And then, darlings, there’s the psychological capitulation zone: $50,000 or less. This is where the “Bitcoin is dead” chorus reaches a fever pitch, accompanied by forced selling and emotional exhaustion. But as we all know, the darkest hour is just before the dawn-or, in this case, the long-term bottom.
Burniske’s strategy? Pure Cowardian elegance. He doesn’t give a fig about predictions. He holds and diversifies if the price rises, and if it crashes, he buys more Bitcoin and a sprinkle of other cryptocurrencies. It’s not forecasting, my dears-it’s disciplined capital allocation, with a dash of panache.
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2026-01-25 17:25