Bitcoin’s Mad Dash: Shutdowns, Jobs, and Jocular Yen Twists! 😂🚀

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Oh, what a spectacle Bitcoin hath wrought! Last week, it cavorted upwards by a whopping 12.14%, merrily erasing the dreary losses of that wretched September, like a clerk discovering a nose in his bread roll. While those pesky altcoins were the chief revelers in the summer’s merrymaking, this time, the grand bull decided to prance with Bitcoin himself, oh, what a chortle-inducing twist! 🤣

In the same hilarious interval, those prominent altcoin pretenders like Ethereum (ETH) and Solana (SOL) merely smirked with paltry gains of 12.90% and 13.24%, respectively, as if envious of Bitcoin’s vigorous jig. 🎃

Bull’s Reasons: Shutdowns, Jobs, and the Fed Frolic

The prime mover in last week’s absurd rally was none other than the US government shutdown, bursting forth at midnight EST on that fateful Wednesday. Lo! Government employees cease their scribblings, and the budget vanishes into thin air, like an overcoat spirited away by a phantom-salaries and expenditures alike rendered naught. 😂

Market minstrels, ever the giddy lot, beheld this as a veritable fountain of economic befuddlement, wagering it would compel the Federal Reserve to lop off interest rates at the impending FOMC soiree in late October, as if sorcery could tame the chaos. 😏

Per the CME Group’s wondrous FedWatch Gizmo, the likelihood of a US interest rate snipping in October hovered about 89% on September 30. But lo, upon the shutdown’s damning decree late that afternoon, it ballooned to a giddy 98%! At that instant, Bitcoin, loitering near $112,000, commenced its preposterous leap, much like a nose eloping with a stranger. 📈

Feeble jobs tidings further inflamed Bitcoin’s wild gambol. On Wednesday, the US ADP Employment Proclamation for September tumbled to -32,000, a farcical mismatch to the crowd’s prophecy of +50,000-proof, they say, of the labor market’s doleful descent, as if the economy were donning a clown’s motley. 💸

As per FedWatch, the bazaar now envisions four more rate cuttings by June anon. Since the shutdown’s debut, the US Republican ilk hath vowed to furlough extra federal toilers, an effort to consummate the sackings that President Donald Trump once bungled, like a tailor botching a sleeve. Were this to triumph, the unemployment rate, presently at 4.3%, might swell monstrously. With non-farm payrolls already teetering, such a commotion could prod the Fed into yet more slashes, oh, the irony! 🙄

Japanese Politics Also Prances In, With Yen Subplots!

On Friday, Sanae Takaichi was anointed president of Japan’s Liberal Democratic Party and poised to ascend as prime minister, heralding schemes to sap the yen’s vigor. While her forerunner, Fumio Kishida, toyed with hiking rates to wrestle inflation, Takaichi’s whims promise a loosening of coin, leading to Bitcoin’s jaunt beyond $125,500 o’er the weekend, etching a fresh all-time zenith-hilarity unbound! 🇯🇵

In summation, Bitcoin’s price bull run springs from traders vaulting ahead on visions of tomorrow, expecting global liquidity to slacken further anon. Yet, divining how spirits might sour if the US shutdown drags on is trickier than finding a lost nose in Petersburg. 🙃

The US Treasury’s bond auctions on Monday and Tuesday loom as this week’s chief amusement. O’er two days, they’ll peddle $249 billion in short-term bonds, likely proceeding despite the shutdown, per historical hijinks. This ought to crimp surplus liquidity sans government splurges. Bitcoin’s soared over 10% in mere three days-can it sustain the jig amid a liquidity strangle? Fingers crossed, or perhaps toes! 🤞

Eyes on Powell’s Thursday Speech: A Satirical Symphony

A cavalcade of macro curiosities beckons this week. Monday unveils the Conference Board’s Employment Trends Indicator, a veritable divination. Tuesday brings the New York Fed’s Inquisition of Consumer Aspirations. Wednesday hosts the September FOMC gathering’s scribbles and a US 10-year Treasury auction-quite the satirical salad! 📅

Thursday, ah, Fed Chair Jerome Powell shall orate, flanked by a US 30-year Treasury auction, with sundry Fed savants prattling publicly. These are scant to rattle the market’s rigid faith in an October cut, like a clerk unmoved by his wayward nose. Instead, impromptu Congressional caprices from the shutdown or Trump’s dismissal ardor might brew volatility. Pray thee, investors, for a gainful week, lest absurdity reign supreme! 😂

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2025-10-06 03:02