Oh, Bitcoin! Once the darling of every coffee shop conversation, now the star of a tragicomedy we like to call “The Great Wallet Drain.” According to the latest on-chain data, investors have been betting on BTC like it’s a surefire way to pay off their student loans. Spoiler: It’s not.
Longs vs. Shorts: A Tale of Two Gamblers
On November 22, crypto “expert” Joao Wedson took to social media to explain why Bitcoin looks like it’s been dragged behind a bus. 🚌 He examined the Estimated Long/Short Positions metric, which sounds fancy but basically answers one question: Who’s dumber-people betting it’ll go up or people betting it’ll go down?
Turns out, 71,000 BTC are tied to long positions (the “HODLers”), while a measly 27,900 BTC are in shorts (the pessimists). And no, this isn’t a typo. These gamblers are so clustered at specific price levels, it’s like they’re all trying to fit into the same clown car. 🤡 When the price dips even slightly, it triggers a domino effect of liquidations-aka “the market’s way of laughing at you.”
Wedson noted that traders were so sure $100,000 was the “bottom,” they probably engraved it into their tombstones. 🪦 Then $90,000 became the new magic number. Then $84,000. At this rate, next week’s “bottom” will be the price of a used toaster. 🍞
Each time these “supports” crumble, the market gets a fresh supply of panicked sellers. Meanwhile, short-sellers have been closing positions faster than a teenager avoiding eye contact with their crush. Translation: There’s no one left to push the price up. Oops.
How to Fix This Mess? Easy: Be Less Dumb
Wedson’s solution? “A significant decrease in long positioning” and more shorts. In other words: Stop betting on the crypto lottery. But let’s be real-this is like telling a toddler to ignore a jar of cookies. 🍪
$81,250: Bitcoin’s Psychic “Break-Even” Line 🧙♂️
Analyst Ali Martinez warns that if Bitcoin drops below its 2-year moving average ($81,250), it’ll be bear market o’clock. 🐻 Because nothing says “financial wisdom” like trusting a 730-day average to predict the future. Next, they’ll tell us astrology charts are SEC-approved.
At press time, BTC is at $86,251, up 3% in 24 hours. Congrats! You’re now 3% closer to financial ruin. 🎉
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2025-11-23 19:39